“Parents give you everything. It starts with the gift of life and
then evolves into the person you will become. Your values, your morals, your
codes — they all come from your family. A child is only as good as her
upbringing, which is why being a parent is the hardest job in the world. One
you can never resign from.” ---- Eye, The Indian Express.
This is an extract from a recent article I read by Nonita Kalra about
her recently deceased father and his steadfast altruism which stretched towards
people beyond his clan and community. In some way or the other, her father left
a legacy of kindness that she hopes to inherit and live upto through her life.
This got me thinking. There are so many traits and attitudes that we actually
directly take on from our parents that make us start relating to them, being
characteristic of their personality and become reference points for people to
comment, “Oh, that’s so like your Dad” or “That’s your Mom talking.”
So here I am compiling a list of attributes I believe I owe to my
parents. Since they all have enriched me in becoming a better person, I have
time again felt fortunate enough in being born to my beloved Mom and Dad.
1) LIVE YOUNG, DIE HARD: That’s my Dad’s primary philosophy. He
swears by it and his infectious zest for life is worth imbibing. No matter what
troubles or strife he may have gone through, his amazing sense of wanting to
overcome all this and move on, has taken him places. Today, he is a man who has
fulfilled all his ambitions, travelled the world, achieved an indelible
position in his field of medicine and been the indulgent man of the house every
woman would want to live with. His secret to a long life and staying forever
young: lead a disciplined life while you eat, drink and be merry. Know where to
say ‘No’. It works. He looks at least ten years younger than he is!
2) INDEPENDENCE DAY: Yeah, when you know how to fend for yourself no
matter the weather, place or people, every day can be truly called Independence
Day. So my parents have mastered the art of managing home, hearth and all the
responsibilities that come with living alone without letting a frown or lament.
These are people who are comfortable living with themselves, far apart from
their loved ones and without making any of them feel guilty about it. They are
great hosts when those festive gatherings come calling, they love the annual
family holiday with grandkids in tow and do experience pangs of separation when
they can’t be there for those special occasions in each other’s lives, yet they
don’t lose that unflinching smile and that positive attitude towards life.
3) THE CONSTANT PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS: There will be many people and
circumstances in life to put you down, to make you want to turn against the
world. There is strength in knowing that they are not worth your diatribe.
4) CASTE AWAY: My parents being intercaste themselves, both my
sister and me have always been brought up to believe that exposure to other
communities will make us that much richer by the experience. Living in a truly
cosmopolitan city like Mumbai where Tamils, Malayalees, Christians, Muslims, Tulus,
Bengalis, Marwaris, Jains, Punjabis, Gujaratis and so on jostle for space with
the native Maharashtrians, in all likelihood there are minor chances of this
not happening. So we have been able to participate in activities and appreciate people
across barriers of caste, creed, race and religion. It has helped us become
liberal, respectful and knowledgeable without being intrusive, judgemental and
dismissive of others’ practices or lifestyle. If there was one rule for
outsiders it was: Please keep your chappals and orthodoxy outside the door.
5) PRACTICE BEING PRACTICAL: So yeah, there are times when you just
want to go into your shell and not want to talk to anybody. There are times
when you want to cry your heart out and all you are left with is an emotional
void. There are times when emotions get the better of us and cripple our sense
of reasoning and our ability to solve problems. Without being cold hearted and impervious
to other people’s sensitivities, there is a way of not letting your emotional
ties to a person, object, place or situation get all knotted up only to leave a
long streak of regret, pain, guilt, tension or deep seated grievances. Try
detaching yourself from the problem at hand, look at it objectively and find a
realistic solution to it. I have tried, it works every time.
