The first thing you notice about literary
festivals is the hype attached to them these days. So whether you like it or
not, news and updates about them are so in your face, that by the end of it you
have decided that if you don’t attend even one by the end of the year, you run
the risk of getting ostracised by your social circle. From knowing which
authors are the ones to watch out for to what will pass as the right outfit
without looking under/overdressed- there is plenty you must catch up on before
you decide to unleash yourself on the literary world of writers, wannabe
writers and writers who are anything but that. Now whoever said you need to
have read a single book before you attend one probably has never attended a lit
festival before.
All you rather need is a look of nonchalance
coupled with a snobbish expression, a book or two in your hand- so what if you
don’t even know what the title means or who the author is and finally, an
appetite to hold all this through the duration of your stay at the Fest. Even
with these helpful tips, it might take two-three festival rounds before you can
finally pass off as an accomplished visitor of literary festivals. Newbies and
green horned wannabes are both known to many a time let their cover slip with
that one inane remark or silly query that may give them away. So here’s a list
of things you must not say, overheard at the recently concluded Jaipur Litfest
at the Diggi Palace if you want to pass off as a true blue litfest goer.
1) You know what’s the best part about
litfests? It really feeds my hunger for knowledge. Come on now, let’s go grab a
pizza. Do you think they will have diet coke around here?
2) The atmosphere here is simply thrilling, don’t
you think? Do you think that girl just gave me a second look? May be I should
go upto her and strike up a conversation?
3) Of course I know Jhumpa Lahiri. She was
really active during that Narmada Bachao Andolan. I saw her on TV with Aamir
Khan. Isn’t she gorgeous?
4) My Mom told me to lose my eyebrow piercing
before I come here. And then I saw people with unibrows, no brows, low brows
and mismatched brows. Now if I could only take some pictures to take back home.
5) Who said I am behaving like a hysterical
fan? These pictures with the authors are for my high school project.
6) At the bookstore: Jeez! I don’t ever think
I will get around to reading this book but I so want that cute British author’s
autograph on it, I will buy a copy only to see him grin like that when he hands
it over!
7) Now that I am here, I know I don’t ever
want to be a writer in my life.
8) I read this guy’s last book. I think it’s
his wife whose doing all the writing dude. Just overheard her chatting with
some journos. She was so much more smarter and well-informed.
9) Yawn! I am so bored. Thank God, there’s a
beer café here.
10) Shashi Tharoor couldn’t make it. He was
my sole reason for attending this fest. Pity, his wife had to die at this time.
Damn, I want a refund for my flight ticket.
