With motherhood, comes
a lot of responsibility….advice!
Indians
as a habit love to dispel advice and pass judgements. These can come at you
from all quarters and irrespective of the fact that the source of that advice
or judgement may be highly incompatible to the piece of advice or judgement being
given in the first place. Take a look at the inglorious mammoth venting machine
that social media has become thanks to our innate need to play
counsellor/supreme court judge to all and sundry. We Indians love to be loquacious,
are frequently wont to inquire more than is due to us jarring all limits of
privacy and individual freedom, and believe that profundity is bestowed on us, as
a natural virtue after birth.
So as
a mother to a growing child, I have been at the receiving end of well-meaning,
unsolicited and often humdrum advice and short-sighted observations of many
regarding the upbringing of Pihu. While I have realised this is part and parcel
and the immediate and inevitable result of being a mother, there are times when
it does get OTT. If this brand of so-called wisdom was hilarious during Pihu's
infancy, it continues to be occasionally regressive, mostly common and always
comical. Get a taste of this with a dose of my, sadly often silent rejoinders.
Pihu
is really shy, isn't she? You should really help her mingle.
No,
she is just selective when it comes to making friends, who she is comfortable
talking to and simply too moody to mingle sometimes. We as parents, aren't bringing her up to be
snobbish or weaving tales to put her off certain people, so next time she
doesn't greet you in passing, don't blame it on us, you know! We can't exactly
put a glass of punch in her hand and push her to go make small talk with the
hoi polloi, can we?
Ah,
she loves to colour, she will be an artist!
Just
like she will be a writer because she browses through books, and an actor
because she loves to make expressions and is camera-friendly and a hair stylist
because she loves to groom hair and a fashion designer because she loves to mix
and match her clothes.
She
has low immunity. Sneezing and coughing every other month. Tsk. Tsk.
Not
that I score better considering the dust, smog and pollution variants in the city
we live in. How do you build immunity when everything you feed the child these
days is either adulterated or full of 'preservatives or pesticides', where the
very air she breathes is toxic for her lungs and the weather fluctuates between
35 and 15 degrees in the span of 24 hours!
She
is too thin.
I
remember being called ‘too thin’ very often even though as a child, I remember
having the same amounts of energy and strength as my peers. Considering Pihu
shares the normal weight of kids her age, I wonder why her natural body
structure becomes an excuse for people to conceive all sorts of assumptions-
from an inherent weakness to not eating well or healthy (note: three oily
paranthas a day and generous doses of potatoes in everything). Also, considering
she eats as much as any other kid her age and has a diet with carbs, proteins, calcium,
fat and fibre in equal doses, resulting in an active mind and body all day, I
really get irked by this one especially when it becomes a constant conversation
starter for nosy neighbours whose kids are overweight when compared to mine.
May be I should just counter their observation with a reply like, “Oh, you
think so. Nah! You are probably saying this because your kid is too fat!” Now
that will be misconstrued as being too rude but calling someone too thin all
the time is not so, right?
And the
best one has multiple annexations so deserves last but not the least place:
You
should have one more kid because
…..
this one looks too much like her Dad. The next one will probably look just like
you. (sign that on a contract or otherwise, you foot the expenses on the second
one, deal?)
…..she
needs a brother. Who will she tie rakhi to? (as if the nation wants to know)
…..an
only child is a lonely child. (apart from the cute rhyming, this holds no
weight if she is a social/an amiable person)
…..she
will learn to be unselfish and caring. (because all kids who have siblings are,
those fighting property and legal rights battles notwithstanding)
…it
will improve her health. (or worsen it, if the second one is prone to sickness
all the time)
…..it
is the right time to go for it. (they said this when I was 24, 27, 30….)
…..you
are still young! (and of course have no other ambitions apart from being a
baby-vending machine)
….it
will complete your family. (they said this when Pihu was not born as well, it’s
a shameful strategy to overpopulate this vastly unpopulated country, everybody’s
moving to America no?)
….it
is your responsibility to gift her siblings. (just like it is my responsibility
to give her the best education, home, food, lifestyle, travel….money can buy)
…..who
will she fight with? (OMG, necessity being the mother of all evil)
…..who
will she care for after you? (because of course since she is a woman, how else
does she justify her gender?)
….and
as archaic as it sounds, well, every family needs a son. (because you see every
dynasty needs a conqueror who can ambush enemy territory and grow his kingdom.
Amen. Or a la Khilji, Inshallah!)
So
given the prolificacy of advice we Indians are capable of, you would think
everything in our nation functions at clockwork precision because you see,
since we are so worldly-wise and clairvoyant, we would pretty much know how to
steer the wheel of life and keep things in control, most often. Surprise,
surprise, we are the country with insoluble issues at hand- from population
control to pollution woes, traffic chaos to unemployment, profligacy, abject
poverty, rapes, farmer suicides to low-wage earning labourers and of course
everything that is a by-product of our wonderful political manoeuvres and
misfirings. So what if we don’t know how to solve our own problems? Doling out
advice is our birthright and we shall have it.
