Pihu is a feisty four year old now and she seems to have a mind of her own when it comes to what she wants, how she feels and her self-proclaimed aversions. While I do believe a child inherits the good and bad from both parents, the proportion in which she will exhibit these traits will depend on her and are too often, not beyond her control. What I love about my experience of being a mother is chronicling those personal habits or quirks that I used to follow that are naturally passed on to Pihu as well. So I know she likes to keep her toes out when she is asleep with a blanket in bed, loves pouring herself in to creative pursuits like artwork when at home and pouring over the pages of a book (even if it is beyond her comprehension like a dictionary).
Inventiveness at this age is essential and needs to be encouraged. This is something that education experts today believe is not being cultivated enough thanks to our natural tendency to steer our kids towards digital devices which make them mechanical, unsocial and silent receptors of content fed to them from a preset, preconceived and standard module of learning and leisure. Where is the scope for the games that we used to think up as we grew up- role-playing, active engagement in interaction with peers and the most important, being a sport? Most kids these days are hardly competitive. They like playing solo games. They give up too easily when they fail at a task or at a game of football because well, no one told them they had to try harder. I love it when Pihu beats us at a game of Dragster but at the same time, we teach her to lose gracefully as well if we win. And if she still makes a face, we know we have to try harder to teach her vital life lessons which will come in handy later in life.
It doesn’t help that we have a very sentimental kid at hand. Someone who realises quickly that she has done wrong and then is hurt if we point it out. The dam of tears bursts when we reprimand her for it which means we automatically become the mean parents and she the helpless victim of our wrath. Does that mean we stop admonishing her over mistakes or overlook them? As much as we would not like to feel guilty when we scold her, it is important to do so and the sooner she realises it the better. At 4, she may be a kid but she knows that doing something wrong is shameful. Snatching a toy, pushing another kid or just being rude to anyone is not acceptable and never will be.
Another trait she has inherited from both her parents is her propensity to keep busy with something always- whether it's her homework, her toys, my library books or kitchen utensils. She loves being helpful and caring. Cleaning up a kitchen, dusting around the house, combing out my hair, applying moisturiser on her dad’s hands because they are too dry, sharing food with everyone – we are surprised by her compassion and equally amused by her fury which she unleashes on someone who rubs her the wrong way. Having a daughter who is an emotional landmine can be difficult and endearing at the same time, something she doesn’t get from me and something we are coming to grips with. All I can tell you is that when I see her sway to music that I loved as a teenager, dig in to a sweet I savoured as a kid or refuse milk that has a layer of cream on its surface, I know where it is coming from. It is wonderful to relive your childhood through your child organically. At the same time, curbing those traits that show signs of indolence, disobedience, disrespect and indulgence is a task we can’t neglect. So it’s really a fine balance we are trying to strike here. If she becomes the best of what she can be, while tapping on the good she has inherited from us, it will be our biggest achievement. Meanwhile, if I see the bad traits gaining significance, I am reminded of how I dealt with it while growing up or the reason why it was kept in check by my parents. So remember, if she is stressing over something needlessly, she might be mirroring your own anxieties that you faced in your childhood. If she is poles apart from your own personality, don’t fret or feel you can’t relate to her. She is just her own person with an individual persona you need to complement. Easier said than done I know, but you are parent-child, not Siamese twins right? And even twins aren’t replicas of each other’s personality so why complain?!
Even as I end this post, Pihu is getting ready for a trip to the fish market, a task she enjoys as much as she relishes her fish and rice at mealtime. Much like her Mom!
