When I look back on Pihu’s old pictures through the time that she was a baby till date (she is 8 years old now), I can actually see how she has grown to build her own identity. Of course, while there are glimpses of her dad and me in her, she seems to be cultivating a new personality that is slowly gaining a firm footing. She will probably change much more through the progressive years that encompass the developmental milestones of adolescence to adulthood, but there are such strong traits emerging through her persona right now, it is hard to ignore them. All I want is for her to hold on to these years of innocence, where she is more inquisitive than knowledgeable, more curious than nonchalant, more honest, less diplomatic. It will mean I will also get to live out my childhood years as reflected through her experiences vicariously.
Now that we have a younger sibling to compare this personality growth chart with, it is very interesting to note the similarities as well as the differences in the two sisters. I remember Pihu being very shy and timid in her earlier years. This is a trait she holds dear till date, sometimes invoking much chagrin in us who only wish to see her bloom. While our elder one refuses to become more assertive and bolder, the younger one is coming across as a force to reckon with. Not only is she stubborn but also strong-willed. She can be all love and affection one moment, and quickly sport a tantrum at the drop of a hat only because she knows with all that adorable cuteness, she will get away with it.
They say, children especially siblings, living in close quarters will influence each other to an extent that they either complement or instigate. Vyona, my younger one is barely 18 months old but has managed to own the attention and affection of all and sundry, which means no one in the family or among ourfriends can say no to her. She is happy to bask in this self-entitled glory and is quick to take offence if not showered with sufficient amounts of adulation. At such a tender age, she exercises decision-making powers which include not eating or drinking water when she is told to, not sleeping alone if she doesn’t wish to and unfortunately for us, insisting on holding hands while walking when she is quite capable of doing so on her own.
Pihu on the other hand, was much more malleable, less susceptible to shrieking if displeased or simply to cause a stir and less disruptive during solitary play. No wonder we thought as parents, we did this once and that seemed easy, how bad would it be a second time? Haha, so dear parents of future second-borns, may I raise a hand and alert you to what’s in store in case you thought it got easier with age and experience. Parenting skills is not on your CV. It is NOT something that you can work with exactly the same way you did before. Just like, apps and technologies upgrade themselves and sometimes need a complete overhaul before they can work in the current era, parenting evolves with every passing generation and with each child you bring in to this world.
It takes guts to have a child, sheer patience to have another and a fat ounce of part ambition-part sadomasochism to have more. Pardon me for being so harshly judgemental but this is a mother who spent a weekend cleaning puke all over the house for her two kids and is now down with the same bug that caused it to happen in the first place. I will not even get in to what two children can do to set back your career if you were a highly-paid working woman who voluntarily decided to play good old mom and took an extended break to tend to your brood.
At the tail-end of my thirties, I have one resolution down pat- I can’t let my desire to be more than just a mom linger at the bottom of a drained ditch. At the same time, I refuse to run myself to the ground trying to multitask and balance my work-life demands in a nuclear household. Tough ask eh? I am working my way through this one.
My children are my sunshine, they bring warmth and brightness to my life no matter how dull the day, or cloudy my mood may be. To observe them gain essential life-skills and build strong perspectives and opinions, make the right choices that will equip them to be more independent, intelligent and enlightened is a joy. My role in this is complex, encouraging them to take that wobbly step on their own and yet keep a watchful eye that they are on the right path and reach out a hand in case they need me. It is precious, this time I have with them, and I encourage you to spend as much time as you can as possible with your children from their birth to adolescence, it will seal your bond for life and make them realise you always have their back when they need you in stead of wandering lost and lonely.
