The New Age Misfit

Yeah, so that’s no compliment to me but even I can take criticism on my chin you know. After all, if a problem exists, the first thing you should do is face it upfront right? But what if I don’t think there is a problem at all? In an age when people can’t think beyond their ipods and 3G Phones, I am still happy using my Nokia X3 with basic GPRS and a mere 2 GB memory card. Obviously that qualifies me and my phone as obsolete and not ‘in tune’ with the times. You see, we are a generation of people constantly on the move- when it comes to our relationships, homes, hobbies, career, jobs, fashion, brands, lifestyles, salaries, sexual preferences and so on. Welcome to the 21^st century of terrestrial beings who give new meaning to the term ‘upwardly mobile’.  And forsake many a treasured moment, item, belief, memory and habit that used to make us a lot more well...real.

So you know you are on the other side of the fence when you find yourself agreeing to more than 5 of the below mentioned statements:

1) I love Indian classical music and can differentiate a santoor from a sarod. Shiv Kumar Sharma, Zakir Hussain and Amjad Ali Khan are revered maestros I ache to listen to and am proud of the illustrious musical heritage they will leave behind.  Kishori Amonkar and Pt.Jasraj are vocalists par excellence and you are missing out on a huge part of a rich musical legacy if you haven’t heard them yet.

2) I think going to pubs, discos and lounge bars are social activities I enjoyed as a teenager. Loud blaring music, smoky interiors, people dancing on the floor check by jowl , drinking to a wild stupor and a lot of hooting and rowdiness is soooo not me anymore!



3) The principal use of a mobile phone is to take and make calls or send and receive messages. If you are additionally chatting, listening to music, clicking pictures, surfing the net and watching movies/videos on the phone all day apart from having that phone stuck to your ear 24/7 you are definitely missing out on a journey called life on the way.

4) Following upcoming trends in fashion can give me a headache. Who cares if the new black is yellow? Imagine if everyone around you started dressing up to look like sunflowers, had their hair spiked and gelled and wore flip flops at work every day just because it was the ‘in thing’ at the moment. Thank you very much but I would rather keep out than keep up.

5) Social networking can be fun no doubt but you won’t find me signed up on every Godforsaken site on the planet and my average amount of time spent on twitter and facebook would be less than how much time I take to drink a cup of tea every day.

6) I like to smell the crispness of the paper when I read a book. There is something deeply satisfying in turning the pages of a book and placing a personalised bookmark when I am done reading. E books are for those who have never understood the joys of traversing through the realms of bookshelves in a library, being able to hold them in your hand and take pleasure in the tactile sensations it passes through you. And only I know how possessive I am of that beautiful literary collection in my bookcase back home.

7) When it comes to books, I won’t exactly say I am ‘well read’ if I have devoured the Harry Potter and Twilight series and all of Chetan Bhagat. Sorry to disappoint but Mills & Boons, chick lit, best sellers and comic books also don’t count.

8) Have you ever experienced the joy of having someone send you a love letter? Well I have and trust me, no amount of e mails eulogising love can beat a single handwritten letter that does the same!

9) What’s with people lapping up jokes on anything and everything including taking digs at female anatomy, obesity, differently abled humans, mute animals and senior citizens? NOT FUNNY! (Sajid Khan, are you listening?)

10) I still believe in the institution of marriage.

Coming (Back) Soon?

So it looks like Dangerous Ishq, Karisma Kapoor’s under hyped comeback film proved to be too dangerous for her career on the rebound. After this film, I wonder if too many filmmakers will be willing to burn their fingers on resurrecting Lolo’s filmography.  But really, what was a reasonably talented actor with proven credentials doing in a film directed by Vikram Bhatt opposite the model turned actor Rajneesh Duggal, who is as wooden as vintage furniture from 1920? Or wait, was that the name of his debut film? Never mind, considering there is no other film in Karisma’s kitty after the debacle that is Dangerous Ishq, I am forced to conclude that the lady in question probably had little choice in the matter. It is not like the Aditya Chopras and Karan Johars of the world are reaching out an arm or two to sign her up for their coming ventures. And don’t go believing all the yummy mummy stories that the media loves to throw at us. The truth is female actors who have been there, done that are essentially yesterday’s glory and today’s history.

Ya, ya I know. Madhuri Dixit has got it lucky with Dedh Ishqiya and Gulab Gang. If I were you, even if you are a die hard fan of Mrs.Nene, I would wait for the box office reports of both films before I passed the verdict of her arriving with a bang. Remember what happened with Aaja Nachle right? Looks to me like the very same fans who have been going gaga over her second comeback in Hindi cinema haven’t done very much to propel Madame Dixit to the heights of stardom with her last comeback venture. Hopefully, the new season of Jhalak Dikhlaja will keep Mads busy and in the public eye until her films are up for release.  The best thing about the show coming on will be that it will be time for the promos featuring a not so lissom and young Madhuri prancing around, to go off air. She seems to have taken the peppy ‘Auntyji Auntyji Get Up & Dance’ number a tad too seriously. I mean, seriously!

Someone who could give Mads a run for her money though, just like the good old times, is Sridevi. One look at her figure and you know the woman means business when it comes to her comeback.  This veteran actor has already completed shooting for a superhero action film called Prince Vaali which Wikipedia informs me is the most expensive film in the history of Indian cinema. Call me a pessimist but that’s what they said about Roop Ki Rani Choron Ka Raja in its day and the rest is history. On the brighter side, I am waiting to see how the lady fares in Gauri Shinde’s English Vinglish where she plays a demure Indian woman struggling with the English language. Even if the initial buzz about this film is keeping everyone excited, I wonder if this means several big budget films coming Sridevi’s way in the immediate future.

She keeps saying she is looking for the right scripts to come her way. But it takes a fool to realize there aren’t scripts written keeping a 35+ female actor in mind in Bollywood. I am talking of DDLJ star Kajol whose last outing ‘We are Family’ made her run back to her own.  Don’t blame her. The film threatened to write off her little hope of saving face as an actor of worth after SRK stole the limelight for his errr...wonderful role in her other film My Name is Khan.

While the Mahima Chaudharys and Raveena Tandons of the world have found solace in the small screen to make their presence felt, some more yummy mummies are waiting in the wings to strike again. Think Aishwarya Rai and Lara Dutta. While Shilpa Shetty is slowly edging away from the industry in her new avatar as business entrepreneur with her IPL, yoga and spa ventures, it remains to be seen if she will forego the gaze of the camera for long. You never know when she gets back in shape and tells you to ‘Shut up and Dance’ again. Other Bollywood hopefuls like Isha Koppikar and Celina Jaitley of course, seem to have reset priorities after marriage and I am yet to find someone complaining about that.

‘Heroine ki zindagi is like an electric government, 5 saal tak party, uskey baad support’ goes the famous dialogue by Naseeruddin Shah in The Dirty Picture. I am waiting for the day when we could beg to differ.

Small Screen Woes

The day is not very far when with the stringent laws against what is to be viewed and what not, we will end up watching very little of television in our lives. May be that’s not such a bad thing either, isn’t it? Imagine, kids will start doing their homework on time, husbands will not become conveniently immobile while watching their favourite sport and grandparents could spend more time bonding with their grandkids rather than watch loud and disturbing news channels, all day. What is worrisome is the reasons why TV is becoming more and more unwatchable these days. Nah...don’t think I am going to rant about the obnoxiousness of the saas-bahu soaps or the banality of song n dance reality shows.

What gets my goat is the innumerable times that silly I&B statutory message appears on the screen while I am watching Two and a Half Men or the Family Guy. The very reasons we watch shows like these are for their seemingly adult jokes and sniggering on how foolish it all makes the so called adults in the shows look. With the ban on cuss words, slang, words like sex and even the harmless ‘shit’ can really be infuriating sometimes. I mean even in my college days, you would hardly find a teenager not using words like f*** every two seconds and most North Indians  are known to exhaust the entire dictionary of Hindi swear words by the time they reach graduation, I am told, albeit proudly by my 15 year old neighbour. So what exactly are we trying to save the innocuous young generation from? Our wonderful intellectually overgrown lawmakers need to get themselves a reality check if they thought kids these days are still ‘donkeying-monkeying’ each other when they wish to unleash a verbal attack on their friends/enemies. 

Same goes for watching Hollywood films. Even if we agree that nudity and lovemaking are to be banned on national TV, what about the generous doses of violence that come with its share of blatant blood, brutality and gore in most crime and revenge sagas? But you see, we are busy being protected from hearing actors say ‘ass’ or ‘bastard’ to be shielded from more trivial issues like those. So where will the Ministry draw the line? While Bollywood seems to be celebrating the breaking of a new dawn with the raw, risqué and bold portrayal of women in films like The Dirty Picture, Hate Story and so on, don’t you think this trend may take a U-turn soon with the way things are heading?
And if we were to argue that such kind of in-your-face boldness must be celebrated and is in keeping up with today’s time, what should be the limit to which it may go? This debate is double edged and is rather left to be fought on our glorious 9-10 pm slotted news talk where delightfully intelligent broadcast journalists chat up celebrities, Page 3 glitterati, politicians and mediapersons on how much is too much and where is  our morality meter heading these days.

Speaking of intelligent men with their own chat shows, we will have to wait and watch to see if Aamir Khan manages to pull off his ‘social reformer’ role with aplomb. If anyone in Bollywood had calibre to take on something like this it is him but since we are on the issue of banning, can we ban the shots where the audience is shown getting shocked and teary eyed to create impact? Can we ban the usage of the word entertainment to define this kind of show? And can Aamir Khan not ‘act’ like he is concerned and look more natural in his concern and conversation? I guess future episodes will give better proof of what lies in store from this much touted ‘show with a purpose’.

Meanwhile, has the I&B skipped watching the double entendres and vulgar innuendos on shows like Comedy Circus all in the name of getting a few laughs out of us? Judge Archana Puran Singh must be getting paid a fortune considering how many lewd jokes are cracked at her expense on the show while she laughs her guts out. And can kids not use words like ‘phad denge’, ‘dhool chatayenge’ etc when taking on the dance stage on DID. Finally, I hope the Ministry doesn’t get all worked up with the little sense of humour that exists in shows like Movers & Shakers where the ‘old wine in a new bottle’ mantra revives the classic sarcasm and cheeky wordplay that got Shekhar Suman moving and shaking in the first place. Or did I just hear Mamata Banerjee cry foul over the didactic ruler she is being made out to be through his jokes, leading to all jokes related to our glorious parliamentarians being banned on TV? Who would we laugh at if not them and our beloved celebrities? Ourselves? Ah, now you must be joking! :)