What’s Eating You, Piggy Chops?

Dear Priyanka,

Pardon the obvious edible innuendo but this post really merits the title. I know your new film Teri Meri Kahaani hit the theatres last Friday. Starring your much hyped ex (or is that current :/) flame Shahid Kapoor, this film was supposed to span eras to give us a glimpse of undying love that regenerates itself in every passing age… lost or separated lovers fated to be together in every birth or whatever it was your film extolled.

No, I haven’t seen it and don’t intend to either. In fact, my first reaction to this film’s promo was oh no, not again! This was one more film to your name that was going to unleash one too many avatars of you at our expense! Piggy please…oops…I mean pretty please but instead of proving your scope of talent through many roles in one film, we are willing to give you a shot with one role in many films. For instance, you were immensely bearable in films like Aitraaz, Dostana, Fashion and Don. Remember love, nothing is good in excess. Too many cooks spoil the broth. Two is a couple, three is a crowd. Getting my drift, darling?

And to tell you the truth, this is not the first time you have flirted with your career with this whole multi personality portrayal trick. How can we, oh just how can we forget that horrendous film called What’s Your Rashee where you starred opposite another, ah well, ex (this I don’t doubt)-flame Harman Baweja! So Ashutosh Goweriker in a rare display of his astrological skills, decided to put us through characterizing the twelve sun signs, courtesy you. And there you went ahead and playfully caricatured each nymph of the zodiac till we couldn’t take it anymore. After all, there is only this much you can take of a wooden lead actor, a badly scraped script by a gone over the top director. Add to that you as the female lead with the temerity to suggest we lap up your histrionic brilliance through the dozen (clinically mental rather than temperamental) characters you played in the film.

Another celebrated filmmaker who decided to make a magnum opus called ‘Saat Khoon Maaf’ did the same mistake of casting you in one role with seven shades of blood on your hands. So while you took delight as a femme fatale going about hopping from one husband to the other, we ended up getting ample opportunity to delve in to seven different costume dramas. Unfortunately, the film despite the dexterity of the otherwise promising Vishal Bhardwaj, barely managed to raise the performance or rather performances of your seven sins.  The film got mercilessly daggered and killed at the box office, much like the fate of your seven husbands in the film.

It’s never wrong to test the waters and look for depth, range and gravitas in your role selection. Every actor is greedy and wants to prove his or her mettle through whatever role he or she is cast in. But this theory of ‘the more the merrier’ only works when you are an actor of that calibre. I still remember Sanjeev Kumar in Naya Din, Nayi Raat and the way he could pull off this multi-role starrer with such flourish and aplomb, I was left wanting more.  Chopsticks, you may be great at the role play, but whether the audience is up for an overdose of you is still a question worth the budget of your film. And sometimes my dear, it is best to stick to solo starrers and the occasional double roles Hindi cinema is famous for rather than force feeding a multi role starrer down our throats. After all, you might end up patenting Onscreen Multiple Personality Disorder rather than win accolades for your versatility.

Your Well Wisher,
Poetry in Motion.

The Telly Times of India

If you are born in the  ‘80s, you would have probably experienced or known what Satellite TV did to us. Not only were we finally free of the shackles of Doordarshan, it was like our instant ticket to the Wild Wild West. So suddenly, it became imperative to get all the homework done in time to catch Doogie Howser MD, The Wonder Years and Small Wonder. Although I never really caught myself fancying the more adult shows like Santa Barbara and The Bold and The Beautiful, I remember getting hopelessly seduced by the dashing detective Remington Steele played by a much younger and sharper looking Pierce Brosnan. This was much before he went on to become James Bond but I am sure those days of on screen sleuthing and adventure must have helped hone his stint as the legendary secret agent 007.

While we were happily satiating our appetites for American soaps, Indian Television was not far behind in leaving its indelible mark on our minds and TV space. And yes, to be fair to Doordarshan, I remember growing up watching some of the soaps and shows that were brilliantly ahead of their times in terms of content, direction and themes. Not afraid to go out of the box, some of the stories told on the small screen format were pathbreaking. If not that, they stood out for sheer sincerity and simplicity of the subject matter. These were stories that had the capacity to engulf you into their worlds, capture your imagination and engross you in a way that there was no turning back. I’d find myself inevitably hooked to know what happens next, sometimes not even that but just be able to enjoy the mundane happenings of a particularly endearing character.  Of course, I can safely say that in spite of low production values and sans SFX and advanced computer graphics, even the Ramayana and Mahabharata on DD made far more of an impact than any of their successive versions post Cable TV invasion.

So a long long time ago, dear readers, long before a certain Ekta Kapoor invaded our homes with her sob stories and ‘Kantankerous’ brigade of saas bahus, there were characters who lived their lives...like any of us. Yes, they could be loud, silly, quirky and self-absorbed, and yet they were down to earth, relatable and appealing. The sets weren’t grand but just as they ought to be. The scripts had weight and the plots narrated an original story we had never heard nor seen before. Presenting some of the gems relegated to old and dusty television archives today but evergreen enough for current TV producers to take a page out of.

Gul Gulshan Gulfaam (1987) Shot in the scenic Srinagar, the serial was named after three houseboats, Gul, Gulshan and Gulfaam, owned by a Kashmiri family. It brought home the tough times a family in Kashmir goes through after the tourism business is hit by terrorism in the Valley. Starring Parikshit Sahni alongwith Neena Gupta and Kanwaljit Singh, it also had a very small Kunal Khemu making his TV debut. The lasting shots of the Dal Lake are still fresh in my memory.

Mirza Ghalib was a 1988 TV series penned by Gulzar and starring Naseeruddin Shah in the title role. The brevity, gravitas and persona seemed so convincing; you could be fooled into believing Shah was Ghalib in his last birth! Jagjit Singh’s ghazals added further depth to the backdrop of nationalism.

The Sword of Tipu Sultan (1990) true to its title, narrated the life and times of Tipu Sultan with a well etched historical background on his father Hyder Ali and the palace intrigue of Mysore. Enacted by Sanjay Khan, the role was brought to life with a realistic attempt at highlighting his bravery and defiance in the face of the British Raj. The ultimate death of the Mysore Tiger in a surprise attack by the British, is one of the most tragic battles potrayed on television till date.

Fauji (1988) was one of my first introductions to life in an army regiment. Of course, it also saw the momentous debut of an actor who would become a big Bollywood star one day. Shahrukh Khan’s early days as a TV star sure left an impression on our young minds and probably laid the groundwork for his mass appeal in years to come.

Circus also on DD, similarly got up close and personal with the inner workings and trials and tribulations of a circus troupe. Ashutosh Gowariker from the cast of course went on to become a director of some repute post his TV stint but is still remembered for his role in this ensemble cast.

Nukkad (1986-87) established how characters don’t lose their charm or get overshadowed by their sheer numbers. It takes great scripting and direction to reprise the identity and importance of every actor in such kind of a narrative. Having Kundan Shah and Saeed Akhtar Mirza on board as directors must have helped on that score!

Zabaan Sambhalke (1993) If you must lift ideas then they must be done like this. The Indianised version of British sitcom Mind Your Language played on the cultural disparities among the varied communities in India. It helped that seasoned actors like Shobha and Viju Khote, Pankaj Kapur and Tom Alter were present in the classroom.

Karamchand made Pankaj Kapur one of India’s first and most watched detectives, famous for his carrot munching and comical assistant Kitty played by Sushmita Mukherjee.

Dekh Bhai Dekh (1993) the Hindi sitcom starred Sushma Seth, Navin Nischol and Shekhar Suman among others. Three generations of the Diwan family living in one palatial home weave together their idiosyncrasies and eccentricities to bring the house down.  With people of all ages sharing screen space all the time, it was an interesting mix of generations clashing in a humorous and well intentioned manner. This was the big fat Indian family without the melodrama.

Malgudi Days- Ta na na tan a na na na….Director Shankar Nag immortalized the works of R K Narayan. Little Swami and actor Anant Nag made a memorable impression through the beautifully picturised stories of an innocent child’s perspective of the world around him.

Mungeri Lal ke Haseen Sapne proved how the protagonist of a story can uplift the show without any trace of heroism within. It was a humorous depiction of small time clerk and henpecked husband Mungerilal and how he finds solace through his daydreams. Raghubir Yadav’s portrayal of the proverbial underachiever was stellar.

Udaan (1989-91) was probably one of the most truly feminist frontrunners of Indian television. This spirited life story of a girl who becomes an IPS officer starred Kavita Choudhary as the lead. Written and directed by Choudhury herself, it was inspired by the true story of her elder sister who was the first female Director of Police.

Rajni could so easily have been the prototype of what the contemporary Indian housewife must be like. Unfortunately, the bahus in TV soaps today can’t think beyond oodles of sindoor and glycerine induced tears.  From managing her house like a CEO to finding easy solutions to her neighbourhood problems, this woman personified by the late Priya Tendulkar knew how to wield the domestic baton and how!

Wagle Ki Duniya Mr.Wagle was the quintessential middle aged, middle class man - his rantings covered everything from the state of politics to the state of plumbing in his house. Sounds familiar? He voiced the travails of everyday man living in the fast changing urban milieu. Anjan Srivastav and Bharti Achrekar as the lead pair of Mr and Mrs.Wagle managed to tickle the funny bone with their eccentricities and constant outpourings. R K Laxman, the biographer to India’s common man, was the writer behind this soap.

Yugantar had a grim yet promising backdrop of the Indian freedom struggle and centered around a coterie of youth pulled towards expressing their nationalist fervour by joining the freedom struggle.

Mr.Yogi was Mohan Gokhale, a young NRI from the US desperate to find his bride in India.  This was also a time when Indians were finding new ground in the US and marrying an NRI was the best bet for a middle class girl. Well some things haven’t changed, have they?

Kashish- introduced a new pair of actors called Sudesh Beri and Malvika Tiwari. In a matured and nuanced telling, a successful but reserved director finds himself instinctively drawn towards a new girl in the industry. His desperate attempts to push her away find him berating her at every step, only to fall deeper in love. (Ya, so I have always been a romantic at heart, fine!)

Lifeline was desi ER, deglamorised and sobered down. This hospital drama traced the real life problems and situations faced by doctors. Shot in documentary style in real locations like K E M Hospital in Mumbai, it was as true to life as it could be.

Chanakya (1992) was a striking televised adaptation of the historical period of the Magadha Empire dating back to 4^th century BC. With fascinating intrigue and incidents from the life of Indian economist, strategist and political theorist Chanakya or Vishnugupta, the well researched and elaborately visualized period drama was a treat for ancient Indian culture enthusiasts. Writer, director and lead actor Dr.Chandraprakash Dwivedi absorbed and imbibed the role to the T, gaining both critical and mass appeal.

Shrimaan Shrimati- This comic saga of a married and middle class Keshav who cannot take his eyes of the glamorous filmstar living in his neighbourhood and her husband who nurses a soft corner for Keshav’s wife Koki, made for one laughter filled half hour of rollicking fun. Reema Lagoo, Archana Puran Singh, Rakesh Bedi and the late Jatin Kanakia breathed such mirth in to their characters; they almost seemed to enjoy playing the roles as much as we did seeing them.

The trend continued in the early years of Cable TV so you may remember these soap sagas which held promise and a lot of unconventionality in terms of treatment and ideas.

Tara- was a bold take on women of the 21^st century. Based on the life of four young friends living independently in a big city, it tracked each one’s life as it unleashed love, sex and dhokha on them. This was a definite deviant from the norms riding a woman’s life in Indian society till then.

Hasratein- A wife abandons her husband to find true love. Extra marital affairs and lots of heart breaks follow. This was another path breaker of its time.

Alpviram- Pallavi Joshi lands up in a hospital where she is raped by a staff member on duty. This high velocity drama unfolded amid intense performances by talented actors like Vikram Gokhale, Sulbha Arya, Pallavi Joshi and Aamir Bashir.

Sarhadein- Aamir Bashir and Smita Bansal played lovers across the Indo Pak border. They meet in neutral turf i.e Kuala Lumpur and face the wrath of their families for going beyond crossing their boundaries, well, literally.

Hum Pardesi Ho Gaye- This was a fresh perspective on what a newly married woman goes through when she discovers her husband is having a raging affair with another woman, much before she walks in to his life and unperturbed by the fact that he is now betrothed.  Things get complicated as all the drama unravels in a foreign country where she knows no one except him. Kartika Rane’s vulnerability as the jilted wife and Perizaad Zorabian as the hapless in love other woman make for a great clashing of cross purposes with the man caught in the trap, a dapper looking Aashish Choudhury.