What’s Eating You, Piggy Chops?

Dear Priyanka,

Pardon the obvious edible innuendo but this post really merits the title. I know your new film Teri Meri Kahaani hit the theatres last Friday. Starring your much hyped ex (or is that current :/) flame Shahid Kapoor, this film was supposed to span eras to give us a glimpse of undying love that regenerates itself in every passing age… lost or separated lovers fated to be together in every birth or whatever it was your film extolled.

No, I haven’t seen it and don’t intend to either. In fact, my first reaction to this film’s promo was oh no, not again! This was one more film to your name that was going to unleash one too many avatars of you at our expense! Piggy please…oops…I mean pretty please but instead of proving your scope of talent through many roles in one film, we are willing to give you a shot with one role in many films. For instance, you were immensely bearable in films like Aitraaz, Dostana, Fashion and Don. Remember love, nothing is good in excess. Too many cooks spoil the broth. Two is a couple, three is a crowd. Getting my drift, darling?

And to tell you the truth, this is not the first time you have flirted with your career with this whole multi personality portrayal trick. How can we, oh just how can we forget that horrendous film called What’s Your Rashee where you starred opposite another, ah well, ex (this I don’t doubt)-flame Harman Baweja! So Ashutosh Goweriker in a rare display of his astrological skills, decided to put us through characterizing the twelve sun signs, courtesy you. And there you went ahead and playfully caricatured each nymph of the zodiac till we couldn’t take it anymore. After all, there is only this much you can take of a wooden lead actor, a badly scraped script by a gone over the top director. Add to that you as the female lead with the temerity to suggest we lap up your histrionic brilliance through the dozen (clinically mental rather than temperamental) characters you played in the film.

Another celebrated filmmaker who decided to make a magnum opus called ‘Saat Khoon Maaf’ did the same mistake of casting you in one role with seven shades of blood on your hands. So while you took delight as a femme fatale going about hopping from one husband to the other, we ended up getting ample opportunity to delve in to seven different costume dramas. Unfortunately, the film despite the dexterity of the otherwise promising Vishal Bhardwaj, barely managed to raise the performance or rather performances of your seven sins.  The film got mercilessly daggered and killed at the box office, much like the fate of your seven husbands in the film.

It’s never wrong to test the waters and look for depth, range and gravitas in your role selection. Every actor is greedy and wants to prove his or her mettle through whatever role he or she is cast in. But this theory of ‘the more the merrier’ only works when you are an actor of that calibre. I still remember Sanjeev Kumar in Naya Din, Nayi Raat and the way he could pull off this multi-role starrer with such flourish and aplomb, I was left wanting more.  Chopsticks, you may be great at the role play, but whether the audience is up for an overdose of you is still a question worth the budget of your film. And sometimes my dear, it is best to stick to solo starrers and the occasional double roles Hindi cinema is famous for rather than force feeding a multi role starrer down our throats. After all, you might end up patenting Onscreen Multiple Personality Disorder rather than win accolades for your versatility.

Your Well Wisher,
Poetry in Motion.