Nothing can punctuate the joy of having a baby girl as part of your family. In a country like ours, that statement itself is debatable across class, community and region. However, having been brought up in a liberated setting where my parents never stopped me from chasing my dreams, gave me wings to fly and the best of everything in the right doses so I knew how to cherish them, I never felt inferior to my male counterparts. As daughters, we were never conditioned to believe that we must be submissive, sacrificing and soft-hearted. We were asked to pursue a career, choose a husband of our liking and have the guts to make a life of our own. The world outside was a different ballgame altogether. Come puberty and we were suddenly assaulted with the harsh truth that every woman has to face. Groping hands, frisky fingers, lecherous eyes, stalking strangers, dirty talking oldies…being out on your own meant facing all this and more.
In most instances, I would tell my Mom about the painful
incident, each time she would get infuriated, angsty and then look helpless. I
soon realized that if I had to survive the mad jungle of desperate creeps, I
would have to set a few norms for myself. So yes, there have been times when I
have hailed a cab on a deserted lane at night and felt perfectly comfortable
doing it and at other times stood at a shady bus-stop and felt mentally raped
by the men standing with me in broad daylight. But I also remember incidents
where I have walked the streets of Bandra at 1 am in the night with a female
friend or sat in a bus at 11 pm at night with a few stray men for company and
yet never felt like cringing. Being in Mumbai, a city considered as one of the
safest for women, I knew I had it easier than most women in other cities of
India and yet, I have never taken that freedom for granted. A woman must watch
her back no matter where she is, this I knew instinctually and is a lesson
learnt for life. So when I knew I was late in reaching home, I used to make
sure I drop down at a busy station nearest to my place and then rick it home.
Or stay back at a friend’s when I was partying or drinking late with friends. I
knew my parents trusted me to be responsible and I was too grateful for their
faith in me to ever let them down.
Now when I am a mother myself, I strangely don’t feel so
self-assured about giving the same liberty to my daughter. I wish I could be as
cool and nonchalant as my Mom about Pihu going out in the world and paving her
destiny. But here I am, worried sick about who she hangs out with, which crèche
is safe enough, any malicious entity touching or harming her, any stranger on
the road luring her with a chocolate in to a discreetly positioned car parked
in an alleyway, that old sleazy looking professor giving her the lascivious
looks, that gym instructor who gets too close for comfort while she works out, the
doctor who wants to give her a private examination. She must be protected at
all times! From lewd comments, lusty eyes, fidgety hands, irrepressible
urges…at home, in office, at a bar, on a road, in a car, on a holiday…how do I
ensure that she will never come to harm? How will I ever face her if I fail?
How can I justify bringing her in to a world which treats her like a potential
target for sexual violence? A country where she will get no respect for her achievements;
rather be ogled at for being a woman.
We are a country of big time bigotry. How else does a rapist
go home to his wife and play the adorable husband? How does such a man touch
his mom’s feet? What is he thinking when he sends off his sister to her
husband’s place? How is the son of a rapist going to learn to give a woman her
rightful place in his life? We don’t know what we are doing to our women and
how it will affect our future generations. For
a #swachhBharat to exist we will have to start with the
cleansing of the minds of the men in this country. Starting with the men at
home is the first step. Making sure the cleanliness drive reaches the remotest
parts of India is an ambition we must fulfill if we are to call our nation ‘our
motherland’ and be able to do so with respect to its women.
I
am confident that there will come a day when my little butterfly will be able
to take flight with her wings intact, her eyes set on a goal she has her hopes
set on and I can let go, without getting intimidated or anxious about which net
could ensnare and wound her.
After
all, she has the right to fly. Now all I need is room to breathe easy when she
does.
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