With everyone having their own take on feminism, it is not
surprising that I often tend to mull over the kind of world Pihu will grow up
to be part of. Will people still be giving it so much weightage in their
conversations and will it continue to affect the way she chooses to live her
life? Will it hamper her lifestyle and will she be caught in an endless web of
trying to assert her independence, choices, decisions and rights against the
other gender? Often, we sow the seeds of feminism right in a girl’s childhood,
evident in the way we urge her to think of herself as no less than the opposite
sex, indulging her with toys that are not confined to pink clothed dolls or
soft toys, even in the way we encourage her to strengthen herself physically
initially with more gender-neutral sports like cycling or swimming and
basketball and then take on more strenuous sports like trekking, martial arts
or even kick boxing! Little do we realise that what we are conditioned to
believe in our young age is what we will be compelled to pass on as learnings
to our future generations. So when you ask your teenaged daughter to abstain
herself from social activity due to her menstruation, take note that she will
be unconsciously memorising it as a socially accepted norm that she must
instill the appropriateness of once her own daughter comes of age and so on. We
really can’t do without imposing our own world view on unstained, innocent
minds, can we? So here I have a check list of things I must remind myself of
not doing as Pihu grows up so that she doesn’t end up feeling like her life was
deprived, short-changed or undermined for the simple reason of her being born a
woman.
Tell her it’s a man’s world out there.
For all that he thinks he can claim ownership of it, too bad
because a woman is his more-abled counterpart when it comes to saving the
world! Happy realisation but given that women are unstoppable given the
opportunity to live with equal rights and responsibilities, men have to sooner
or later realise that we are a force to reckon with. We build homes brick by
brick, stand on our feet so that we don’t lean on anyone else for support,
create a family literally from scratch and then spend our lives trying to keep
it all together. So it only works when you agree to full-fledged partnership
and mutual co-operation between sexes.
Give in to stereo-types.
A girl must get married by a certain age, she must have kids
by 30 and then go about trying to juggle home and office. She must change her
lifestyle to suit everyone else’s while nobody else does the same for her.
Also, she must not drive a car because women tend to be poor drivers, she must
listen more and talk less....yada yada. Notice how most of these stereo-types
work against a woman’s natural progress in the world.
Let the man be the bread winner.
We seem to justify our lack of ambition sometimes based on
the fact that first our fathers bring us up in this world only to transfer
those duties to the husband once we get married. The need to really earn a
livelihood is therefore not a compulsion all the time. Getting a job and
creating one’s own savings in order to fortify your family’s financial
well-being is not a way of proving to the man that he is incapable of running
the house. It is your way of showing your worth professionally and successfully
safeguarding any monetary mishap that can arise in the future.
Indoctrinate the idea that appearances define your gender.
A girl has to be fair, have waist long tresses, must know
how to wear make-up, should never sport a tan, must have a thin waist, must not
go out with boys...you’d be surprised how much of all this is still very much
relevant today. So Pihu can grow up to be a tomboy with an aversion to all
things too feminine for all I care. As long as she can look good in whatever she
wears and is comfortable in her skin, I should be happy.
Use words like compromise, sacrifice and apologise in
reference to society’s expectations.
A girl must learn to share what is hers, be the giver, lose
if it makes others happy, and generally tow the line if she wants to survive. What
she should learn in stead is if the men around her can only see her do these
things in order to fit in, it is them she needs to give up on and not her dreams,
her ambitions and desires. Women are born protectors, procreators, nurturers
and caregivers but if anyone threatens their freedom to express themselves or
forces them to succumb to the latter’s own understanding of virtuous living,
she has a right to put her foot down. If God wished women to be deaf and dumb,
we would probably be so but since we aren’t, we might as well use the powers
bestowed upon us to be the best version of ourselves we can.
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