Let’s
face it folks, we love the West, ever since we discovered James Bond, Elvis
Presley, The Beatles, Michael Jackson, Brad Pitt, Audrey Hepburn, Meryl Streep, Las Vegas, California,
Baywatch, McDonalds, KFC, pizza, pasta, the guitar and Mills & Boons or
should I correct that, 50 Shades of Grey. Such is our warm adulation for the
other side of the fence, that we are blindly willing to show off that adulation
albeit with a desi tadka. So we love our sangeet and bhangra but we love mixing
hip hop and disco in to it. We are addicted to Friends and The Big Bang Theory
but we swear we can’t live in with boys because our sanskari parents would have
a mild heart attack on hearing just that. We devour American products and look
forward to our visits to NYC bro, but let’s face it, home is where the heart
is. We may be getting generously influenced by all things videsi, phir bhi
dil hai Hindustani! So what if our films, music, language, clothing, festivals,
weddings and largely, our lifestyle choices are getting increasingly
westernised? We still know how to rock that desi swag, or probably I am being
hopeful here.
So
then why on earth can’t we get around to replicating the things that should
actually matter and can benefit us significantly if imitation is really what we
are so good at? Why aren’t our roads as clean as theirs, why are we so warped
when it comes to superstitions and orthodox beliefs that get us nowhere? Why
are we always hiding our conservatism under the garb of liberal
self-expression? Unfortunately, we can’t even get imitation right because we
often confuse the real with the superficial and the substantial with the flaky.
How
else do you explain our filmi awards functions that celebrate Bollywood like
nobody’s business but end up looking like cheap imitations of each other with
no soul or sense of neutrality. As a result, we see the same old stars with the
same old performances winning the same awards regularly, merely because awards
have become a mere symbolism of who is in power and whose influence probably
matters in the industry. It is about appeasement and self-aggrandisement. No
wonder then that most seriously content-driven and committed stars shun these
public ceremonies that are an occasion for the A-listers to strut their stuff
and pat each other on the back for another year at self-sustainability rather
than upping the ante of cinematic supremacy. Our awards aren’t given to
acknowledge starry achievements but celebrate grandeur on screen while playing
to the galleries. Hence, rarely will you see an actor worth his salt win an
award unless he a) is super good-looking b) belongs to a filmi khandaan c) has
won a decent claim to fame on the back of commercial potboilers that are
cringe-worthy but colossal hits because of the star’s massive fan-following. d)
is willing to shake a leg to his popular songs and set the stage on fire at the
show.
For
once, dear juries, event organisers and curators of these grand ceremonies, can
we go back to doing what we best do, imitate the west but this time learn from
the masters how to polish our act to match international standards? Here’s an
easy-peasy guide to making our filmi awards functions as applause-worthy as the
Oscars.
1)
Multiple
Hosts for Multiple Award Categories: So there is a main host, then there
are those who announce each award and then because we love doing everything in
excess, there are other co-hosts who bring in each category of awards to be
given. Either the sponsors of these awards shows have too much money or we have
too much time on our hands to simply watch insipid announcers call out other
insipid semi-celebrities/sponsors/business tycoons to announce the winners of
the awards. Yawn!
2)
The
Curious Case of Mass Marketing: What is with the tastelessly overt Lux
Cozi, Manikchand, Kamla Pasand and All Clear Dandruff Shampoo promotions on our
awards shows? Not only do we get exhausted watching those ads on a rotational
basis every 5 mins in to an awards announcement but even the emcees gasp for
breath, rattling off their names each time they have to welcome us back after a
break. Yeah, awards shows are expensive investments and every brand wants its
mention a certain number of times but does it mean rubbing our nose in to
whatever tobacco you are endorsing?
3)
The
Drudgery of Dance: The repetitive and inane dance performances to a popular
medley of songs by stars really gets on the nerves after a point, what with
twenty different awards ceremonies indulging in the same sort of entertainment,
entertainment, entertainment. It’s a great source of supplementary income for
the stars but do we really want to see them, prance to the same steps wearing
outlandish and often hideous outfits, in function after function? How about in
stead, giving the vocalists and musicians of these films some space on stage?
Why do our public performances have to be about the stars, by the stars and for
the stars only?
4)
My desi
twirl, my desi twirl: We know we love to dress up. So do Hollywood actors
but why not give our own ethnic wear a chance when stepping out on that red
carpet? In spite of us having our own sarees and lehengas to match formal evening
gowns, our actors are busy trying to outdo their foreign contemporaries by
wearing Versace and Prada when that is not really traditional attire or one
that celebrates our nationality. If our Hindi awards ceremonies are meant to
celebrate ‘Hindi’ cinema, why not celebrate being Hindi, to start with? Time and
again, it is only the usual suspects Rekha, Vidya Balan and yesteryear veterans
like Hema Malini who are found to champion the ethnic silks and handcrafted
sarees of India. The young brigade, irrespective of gender would rather be seen
in tuxedos, dinner jackets for the men and side-split gowns with plunging
necklines for the women, cloning the west mindlessly and losing out on
showcasing our glamorous individuality in the process.
5)
Short
Messaging Service: How about our celebrities packing in some punch and
standing up for a cause when they thank the fraternity for their achievements?
Look at the kind of issues celebrities in the west are finally managing to rake
up- gender equality, sex discrimination, racism, equal pay for everyone,
environment conservation, global climatic change, the current state of
democracy in the US, terrorism and so on. Why are we oh-so-indifferent to
everyday harsh realities that stare us in the face? Is it because cinema is all
about escapism and no one wants to rock the boat?
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