How to find your Prince Charming by rewriting the seven vows of holy matrimony

Yes, yes we can’t get enough of those ‘Happily Married’ shots of Meghan Markle and Prince Harry looking resplendent in their wedding gear and giving us life lessons on how to smile when in the throes of love. Now that the last royal wedding of importance is well out of the way, people have already moved on to the next delicious piece of news that could make its way from Buckingham Palace, that of the stork paying a visit to the newly weds. This ample obsession with domestic bliss is our way of seeking solace in other people’s happy endings when our hopes of finding our own version looks like a dim and bleak possibility on the horizon.

To such hoping-against-hope denizens, the newly sworn in Duchess of Sussex Meghan serves as an inspiration on how you could be over 30, divorced, half-coloured, non-British, from a highly public and publicised profession, independent, non-royal and unconventional-looking and still get your Prince Charming! Modern dynamics in the urban scenario these days dictate that most women stay unmarried well after 30, have probably undergone a series of unsuccessful flings/relationships and are really finding it hard to come to grips with a dangerously tipsy work-life balance to vow themselves to a lifetime of marital bliss, no questions asked. So what then should we women in 2018 be looking for when scouting for the love of our lives? Let’s take a rain check on this one.

1)      Say my name, say my name: The world over, women have been subjected to changing their maiden surnames to take on the husband’s name after marriage. If this is done for guaranteeing property rights to the wife in case of the early demise of the husband, we know not but the truth is, women who have been born to parents of another surname and who owe their allegiance and origin to them therefore, should by right be allowed to keep their own maiden surname if they wish to, simply because they bear it as a sign of their identity and independence. The good news is men of this day and age do not see this as a sign of rebellion or get pangs of insecurity over their manhood and authority. Case in point, actor and Nawab Saif Ali Khan Pautaudi let Kareena retain her Kapoor tag after marriage and did not insist on her converting to Islam after marriage. Aamir Khan and Kiran Rao named their child Azad Rao Khan and set a precedent with Sania Mirza to follow suit, having announced that her child will bear her own name with her husband’s i.e Mirza Malik, a move highly endorsed by her Pakistani husband. The recently married Sonam Kapoor was pleasantly surprised when her beau Anand Ahuja added an S to his name as in Anand S Ahuja after she changed her name to Sonam Kapoor Ahuja post her nuptials. So what’s in a name you ask. Apparently, plenty, my friend. In a nutshell, if your man is wise enough to not insist on changing everything about you (starting with your name) once you become his betrothed from being his beloved, marry him now!

2)      Sharing is Caring: Kareena Kapoor Khan has often been found to be applauding her husband’s hands-on attitude to parenting their son Taimur since birth which enabled her to get back to work mode soon after her delivery. Most married women who choose to work after marriage swear by the support and sensitivity of their partners that helps them achieve their professional goals without guilt or neglecting their household responsibility. So when it comes to doing the dishes, changing the diapers or whipping up a dinner on a hectic work day, women are falling for those men who do not feel ashamed to do all this and more if only it means having a self-assured, financially secure and equally qualified woman as their life partner. Buy that apron for him on your next dating anniversary and see if he takes the hint! ;)

3)      We are same same, but different! Having similar tastes and being on the same page when it comes to certain major decisions in the household are good but one has to accept that two people will have different personalities and preferences after marriage. So women want their men to accept the fact that they might not wish to see eye to eye on several of their choices- whether it is their taste for music or sport or personal habits. From one partner being social and outgoing while the other is an introvert to one partner preferring action films as opposed to the other opting for romantic comedies, you will have differences in a relationship, guaranteed. History has proven that marriages work despite these differences if based on mutual respect and consideration of space and freedom. Look for a man who accepts the fact that you will want to enjoy your me-time to indulge in activities that only you want to be part of, in stead of forcing him to accept and like those as well.

4)      Flaws of Attraction: So yes, you two are in love and can’t imagine spending the rest of your life without each other. Do however accept the fact that there will be others who may distract you from this purpose over the course of time. No matter how much a couple may be in love, there may be others who may hold the threatening potential to rock the boat. So make sure you know why you married your partner in the first place. If your foundation is rock-solid, a dalliance or fling will be the last thing on your mind especially if it could shake the very trust on which your relationship with your partner is based. Look for a man who is able to invest a certain amount of faith in you and know that he has your loyalty even if you have friends of the opposite sex with whom you continue to interact with post-marriage. So if he is not checking on your Whatsapp and stalking your guy friends on Facebook because it will only raise his anxiety by going there, you have a winner. If he is curious though, approach him directly by mentioning who your friends are and may be, plan an outing where you can get him to know them better so that he knows you are in good company next time you plan an outing without him.

5)      Will you do frandship with me? As cheesy as this line goes, we forget how important its purpose is in the long run as soon as we change our status from ‘dating’ to ‘in a relationship’. It gets significantly worse after marriage with responsibilities, child bearing and in-laws getting enmeshed with your lives soon after you sign the marriage certificate. So do not turn your partner in to an adversary by assuming a formal or non-negotiable stand after marriage. Rekindle the joy of friendship because when you marry, you are looking to share your need for a companion and a confidante for a lifetime. If your man gives you this, make sure you return the joy of fulfilling these roles when it comes to him as well. Listen, appreciate, understand, respect. Soonafter the physical excitement of being in a relationship fades away, it will be the togetherness that makes you bond with each other over a joke, during a movie or with a simple glance that will hold weight much after your hair turns grey.

6)      Guardian? No thanks! Counsellor? Yes Please! Women have a lot on their plate most of the times what with changing roles that challenge their status quo constantly, abandoning their maternal homes to adjust to a new marital environment and constantly balancing their duties to make the home and workplace function efficiently. So most women would tell you that they are pretty capable of doing what’s right for themselves, for their homes, for their men. They don’t really need someone to tell them how to run the household, how to keep budgets, what a healthy diet for their kid should look like or where to go for the latest shopping bargains. Most of them would therefore, pretty much be amused or insulted (Take your pick!) by their men’s need to tell them what time to get home by, which career move they should be making and how much more they can do in a day when they are most probably multi-tasking more than their fair share already! So don’t let your man assume the role of a guardian, in stead if he really must dispel advice, try identifying if you have a problem in the first place, then gently approach the topic and see if you need his counsel. Advice that is rooted in genuine concern is much more useful than advice that is unwanted and worse, misplaced. You’ve scored if he sees the wisdom of this tact.

7)      I, She, Ourselves- So first there was Adam, then came Eve, and that gave way to a ‘we’. Most decisions that you take regarding your house, right from what kind of furniture you buy to how many kids you wish to have, should be based on a two-way conversation. If you wish to happily take charge of some things that you have the expertise in for example, redecorating the house, do it but take time out to ask your partner for an opinion or comment on your efforts. When it comes to working out your home expenses or when should be the right time to extend your family, make sure you discuss these between yourselves first and come to a consensus without him being biased in his parent’s favour or because society dictates it a certain way. Look for a man who doesn’t let external influences mar his independent opinion, your perspective and ultimately your major decisions in life together.

Make him adopt these new modernised seven vows that can sanctify your marriage and voila! You have yourself the Prince Charming you have been waiting for!