The New Age Misfit

Yeah, so that’s no compliment to me but even I can take criticism on my chin you know. After all, if a problem exists, the first thing you should do is face it upfront right? But what if I don’t think there is a problem at all? In an age when people can’t think beyond their ipods and 3G Phones, I am still happy using my Nokia X3 with basic GPRS and a mere 2 GB memory card. Obviously that qualifies me and my phone as obsolete and not ‘in tune’ with the times. You see, we are a generation of people constantly on the move- when it comes to our relationships, homes, hobbies, career, jobs, fashion, brands, lifestyles, salaries, sexual preferences and so on. Welcome to the 21^st century of terrestrial beings who give new meaning to the term ‘upwardly mobile’.  And forsake many a treasured moment, item, belief, memory and habit that used to make us a lot more well...real.

So you know you are on the other side of the fence when you find yourself agreeing to more than 5 of the below mentioned statements:

1) I love Indian classical music and can differentiate a santoor from a sarod. Shiv Kumar Sharma, Zakir Hussain and Amjad Ali Khan are revered maestros I ache to listen to and am proud of the illustrious musical heritage they will leave behind.  Kishori Amonkar and Pt.Jasraj are vocalists par excellence and you are missing out on a huge part of a rich musical legacy if you haven’t heard them yet.

2) I think going to pubs, discos and lounge bars are social activities I enjoyed as a teenager. Loud blaring music, smoky interiors, people dancing on the floor check by jowl , drinking to a wild stupor and a lot of hooting and rowdiness is soooo not me anymore!



3) The principal use of a mobile phone is to take and make calls or send and receive messages. If you are additionally chatting, listening to music, clicking pictures, surfing the net and watching movies/videos on the phone all day apart from having that phone stuck to your ear 24/7 you are definitely missing out on a journey called life on the way.

4) Following upcoming trends in fashion can give me a headache. Who cares if the new black is yellow? Imagine if everyone around you started dressing up to look like sunflowers, had their hair spiked and gelled and wore flip flops at work every day just because it was the ‘in thing’ at the moment. Thank you very much but I would rather keep out than keep up.

5) Social networking can be fun no doubt but you won’t find me signed up on every Godforsaken site on the planet and my average amount of time spent on twitter and facebook would be less than how much time I take to drink a cup of tea every day.

6) I like to smell the crispness of the paper when I read a book. There is something deeply satisfying in turning the pages of a book and placing a personalised bookmark when I am done reading. E books are for those who have never understood the joys of traversing through the realms of bookshelves in a library, being able to hold them in your hand and take pleasure in the tactile sensations it passes through you. And only I know how possessive I am of that beautiful literary collection in my bookcase back home.

7) When it comes to books, I won’t exactly say I am ‘well read’ if I have devoured the Harry Potter and Twilight series and all of Chetan Bhagat. Sorry to disappoint but Mills & Boons, chick lit, best sellers and comic books also don’t count.

8) Have you ever experienced the joy of having someone send you a love letter? Well I have and trust me, no amount of e mails eulogising love can beat a single handwritten letter that does the same!

9) What’s with people lapping up jokes on anything and everything including taking digs at female anatomy, obesity, differently abled humans, mute animals and senior citizens? NOT FUNNY! (Sajid Khan, are you listening?)

10) I still believe in the institution of marriage.

Coming (Back) Soon?

So it looks like Dangerous Ishq, Karisma Kapoor’s under hyped comeback film proved to be too dangerous for her career on the rebound. After this film, I wonder if too many filmmakers will be willing to burn their fingers on resurrecting Lolo’s filmography.  But really, what was a reasonably talented actor with proven credentials doing in a film directed by Vikram Bhatt opposite the model turned actor Rajneesh Duggal, who is as wooden as vintage furniture from 1920? Or wait, was that the name of his debut film? Never mind, considering there is no other film in Karisma’s kitty after the debacle that is Dangerous Ishq, I am forced to conclude that the lady in question probably had little choice in the matter. It is not like the Aditya Chopras and Karan Johars of the world are reaching out an arm or two to sign her up for their coming ventures. And don’t go believing all the yummy mummy stories that the media loves to throw at us. The truth is female actors who have been there, done that are essentially yesterday’s glory and today’s history.

Ya, ya I know. Madhuri Dixit has got it lucky with Dedh Ishqiya and Gulab Gang. If I were you, even if you are a die hard fan of Mrs.Nene, I would wait for the box office reports of both films before I passed the verdict of her arriving with a bang. Remember what happened with Aaja Nachle right? Looks to me like the very same fans who have been going gaga over her second comeback in Hindi cinema haven’t done very much to propel Madame Dixit to the heights of stardom with her last comeback venture. Hopefully, the new season of Jhalak Dikhlaja will keep Mads busy and in the public eye until her films are up for release.  The best thing about the show coming on will be that it will be time for the promos featuring a not so lissom and young Madhuri prancing around, to go off air. She seems to have taken the peppy ‘Auntyji Auntyji Get Up & Dance’ number a tad too seriously. I mean, seriously!

Someone who could give Mads a run for her money though, just like the good old times, is Sridevi. One look at her figure and you know the woman means business when it comes to her comeback.  This veteran actor has already completed shooting for a superhero action film called Prince Vaali which Wikipedia informs me is the most expensive film in the history of Indian cinema. Call me a pessimist but that’s what they said about Roop Ki Rani Choron Ka Raja in its day and the rest is history. On the brighter side, I am waiting to see how the lady fares in Gauri Shinde’s English Vinglish where she plays a demure Indian woman struggling with the English language. Even if the initial buzz about this film is keeping everyone excited, I wonder if this means several big budget films coming Sridevi’s way in the immediate future.

She keeps saying she is looking for the right scripts to come her way. But it takes a fool to realize there aren’t scripts written keeping a 35+ female actor in mind in Bollywood. I am talking of DDLJ star Kajol whose last outing ‘We are Family’ made her run back to her own.  Don’t blame her. The film threatened to write off her little hope of saving face as an actor of worth after SRK stole the limelight for his errr...wonderful role in her other film My Name is Khan.

While the Mahima Chaudharys and Raveena Tandons of the world have found solace in the small screen to make their presence felt, some more yummy mummies are waiting in the wings to strike again. Think Aishwarya Rai and Lara Dutta. While Shilpa Shetty is slowly edging away from the industry in her new avatar as business entrepreneur with her IPL, yoga and spa ventures, it remains to be seen if she will forego the gaze of the camera for long. You never know when she gets back in shape and tells you to ‘Shut up and Dance’ again. Other Bollywood hopefuls like Isha Koppikar and Celina Jaitley of course, seem to have reset priorities after marriage and I am yet to find someone complaining about that.

‘Heroine ki zindagi is like an electric government, 5 saal tak party, uskey baad support’ goes the famous dialogue by Naseeruddin Shah in The Dirty Picture. I am waiting for the day when we could beg to differ.

Small Screen Woes

The day is not very far when with the stringent laws against what is to be viewed and what not, we will end up watching very little of television in our lives. May be that’s not such a bad thing either, isn’t it? Imagine, kids will start doing their homework on time, husbands will not become conveniently immobile while watching their favourite sport and grandparents could spend more time bonding with their grandkids rather than watch loud and disturbing news channels, all day. What is worrisome is the reasons why TV is becoming more and more unwatchable these days. Nah...don’t think I am going to rant about the obnoxiousness of the saas-bahu soaps or the banality of song n dance reality shows.

What gets my goat is the innumerable times that silly I&B statutory message appears on the screen while I am watching Two and a Half Men or the Family Guy. The very reasons we watch shows like these are for their seemingly adult jokes and sniggering on how foolish it all makes the so called adults in the shows look. With the ban on cuss words, slang, words like sex and even the harmless ‘shit’ can really be infuriating sometimes. I mean even in my college days, you would hardly find a teenager not using words like f*** every two seconds and most North Indians  are known to exhaust the entire dictionary of Hindi swear words by the time they reach graduation, I am told, albeit proudly by my 15 year old neighbour. So what exactly are we trying to save the innocuous young generation from? Our wonderful intellectually overgrown lawmakers need to get themselves a reality check if they thought kids these days are still ‘donkeying-monkeying’ each other when they wish to unleash a verbal attack on their friends/enemies. 

Same goes for watching Hollywood films. Even if we agree that nudity and lovemaking are to be banned on national TV, what about the generous doses of violence that come with its share of blatant blood, brutality and gore in most crime and revenge sagas? But you see, we are busy being protected from hearing actors say ‘ass’ or ‘bastard’ to be shielded from more trivial issues like those. So where will the Ministry draw the line? While Bollywood seems to be celebrating the breaking of a new dawn with the raw, risqué and bold portrayal of women in films like The Dirty Picture, Hate Story and so on, don’t you think this trend may take a U-turn soon with the way things are heading?
And if we were to argue that such kind of in-your-face boldness must be celebrated and is in keeping up with today’s time, what should be the limit to which it may go? This debate is double edged and is rather left to be fought on our glorious 9-10 pm slotted news talk where delightfully intelligent broadcast journalists chat up celebrities, Page 3 glitterati, politicians and mediapersons on how much is too much and where is  our morality meter heading these days.

Speaking of intelligent men with their own chat shows, we will have to wait and watch to see if Aamir Khan manages to pull off his ‘social reformer’ role with aplomb. If anyone in Bollywood had calibre to take on something like this it is him but since we are on the issue of banning, can we ban the shots where the audience is shown getting shocked and teary eyed to create impact? Can we ban the usage of the word entertainment to define this kind of show? And can Aamir Khan not ‘act’ like he is concerned and look more natural in his concern and conversation? I guess future episodes will give better proof of what lies in store from this much touted ‘show with a purpose’.

Meanwhile, has the I&B skipped watching the double entendres and vulgar innuendos on shows like Comedy Circus all in the name of getting a few laughs out of us? Judge Archana Puran Singh must be getting paid a fortune considering how many lewd jokes are cracked at her expense on the show while she laughs her guts out. And can kids not use words like ‘phad denge’, ‘dhool chatayenge’ etc when taking on the dance stage on DID. Finally, I hope the Ministry doesn’t get all worked up with the little sense of humour that exists in shows like Movers & Shakers where the ‘old wine in a new bottle’ mantra revives the classic sarcasm and cheeky wordplay that got Shekhar Suman moving and shaking in the first place. Or did I just hear Mamata Banerjee cry foul over the didactic ruler she is being made out to be through his jokes, leading to all jokes related to our glorious parliamentarians being banned on TV? Who would we laugh at if not them and our beloved celebrities? Ourselves? Ah, now you must be joking! :)

Dirt on My Mind

“This is just not fair,” whined my sister in law on Sunday when her patient wait for Sony to telecast the much awaited TV premiere of Vidya Balan starrer The Dirty Picture went in vain as the channel announced that the film could not be screened due to ‘unavoidable circumstances’.  She was possibly one of the many enthusiastic viewers or shall we say in this case ‘voyeurs’ J who had missed the theatrical release of the film and wished to find out what the whole world and its aunt was going gaga about. So obviously speculation went ripe about the many reasons that could have caused such sudden cancellation. Reportedly, the Information and Broadcasting ministry of India received a quoted number of 600 calls from viewers protesting the screening of the film at prime time slots, judging it not suitable for children. The producers’ claim of having got the film censored with 59 cuts went unheard while the whole episode justifiably raised the ire of leading lady Vidya Balan who questioned the integrity of the I&B Ministry and its duplicity of intention, acknowledging her performance with a National Award and then dismissing the film as unsuitable for public view. Balan lashed out at the Government adding, “I do hope that better sense prevails and that the film industry is not once again used as a convenient high-profile punching bag for anyone looking to establish their moral credentials.”

I wonder though if we should blame only the Government. What about the 600 odd Indians who feel it is fine if their kids watch reruns of Two and a Half Men and Sex and the City, women cheerleaders displaying cleavage and butt at the IPL matches and item songs feature female actors wearing itsy bitsy garments, prancing seductively. I am not even going to start talking of Hollywood films which almost always have generous doses of smooching, lovemaking and indecent exposure in some way or the other. If you take a moment to think about it you will realise that the same moral credentials Balan talks about remain questionable when it comes to the majority of us Indians. And glaring examples of the same can be found in popular culture around us.

The entry and subsequent welcome Sunny Leone received in the Bigg Boss house immediately comes to mind. The whole country watched and approved of this adult film star’s presence on a show in India, irrespective of the moral nature of her profession. Her friends Sky, Pooja and Juhi Parmar even went on to embrace her identity after it was revealed during the course of the show. So does that mean by accepting Sunny Leone and her professional qualifications, we actually respect her decision to pursue an active career in well, exhibiting her personal assets? Is Sunny now the brand ambassador of her sorority in the adult film industry? Do we now see such women as being socially acceptable and thus deserving of equal respect as women in any other professional sphere? And finally do we then start believing that there is nothing wrong with women resorting to such means to earn money...would we give a clean chit to every woman doing the same? So when Sunny signed Jism 2, her fans cheered but now the same fans are feeling miffed that she is still making merry through her adult videos by cashing in on her newfound starlet status. Why so? Are we now trying to say that she should put behind the same profession that we seemed to accept her with, warts and all?

Further examples can be found close to home. An HT survey conducted earlier this year tested trends in attitude based on the responses of 7021 of India’s youth, living in metro cities. As per the survey, 54.9% agree to pre marital sex no longer being an issue but on the other hand 62.3% want their spouse to be a virgin. Homosexuality is not acceptable for 76% of youth so I am guessing those who join the Pink Parades and the Gay Parades of the world are simply doing it under peer pressure or the urge to act ‘cool’ in front of the world. The truth remains that we seem to have our heads muddled up in an endless quagmire of convoluted ideas rooted in our traditional Indian value system. This is at once negated and sometimes overcome by a seemingly western outlook thanks to our growing exposure to the outside world. How else do you explain why parents in sophisticated urban homes do not approve of sex education being a part of the school curriculum when the same parents encourage their kids to be friends with the opposite sex from an early age?

I can continue with more striking traits that prove the inherent hypocrisy that deepen the chasm between our thought and action but would like to instead end with one more attitude that further captures our confused mental approach towards women in the 21^st century. This is something most women looking for a prospective suitor for marriage will encounter these days. Most well educated, liberal and progressive guys looking for fair, beautiful and descent (read virgin) girls insist on their wives pursuing their profession even after marriage but also frown at the said wives not being able to cook garam rotis, broom the dust off the shelves and massage the saasuma’s feet when she comes home in the evening. You see, this is to compensate for the lost time spent in office doing whatever work they do there. Like my sister in law lamented, “This is just not fair.”

We are living life in the fast lane, whether we like it or not. The world is passing by us at supersonic speed and we need to run faster to catch up or risk being left behind. It’s therefore time we shed that garb of hypocrisy and really understand that it is not going to help to sit on the fence or be bigoted about the emerging trends around us. India is gaining global recognition and being marked everyday as the go-to country for all sorts of multicultural influences and aspects. Let’s not come across to the world as Indian born confused desis, please.

PS. The author of this article has been a frequent viewer of Bigg Boss, IPL cheerleaders, Two and a Half Men and Sex and the City apart from being a Hollywood film buff and does not intend to classify such content as malicious or offensive. She is just concerned that many so called adults who are watching the same are yet to grow up.

Come discover India’s very own United Kingdom!

The best holidays are those that take you to a destination you know the least about. Of course, thanks to travel websites that seem to be mushrooming by the bucketful, the chances of not having any information about your holiday destination are frankly remote to netizens like us. As a matter of fact, I have no qualms about researching on the place I am about to visit. In fact, I thoroughly practice and endorse the same diligently to uncover all geographical factors that could affect the holiday- distance from home, the climate, the local terrain, sight seeing spots, food habits, culture...these are all browsed through before making a detailed itinerary so as to not waste time once I reach the place. This habit has helped me plan really rocking holidays from the nearest to the remotest places in India- Pune, Goa, Kannur, Mahabalipuram, my honeymoon in Sikkim and my recent weekend excursion to Lansdowne.

 Believe you me when I say, there is no better place than India that can win top spot as an ideal tourist wonderland. Where else can you find such sheer abundance of rivers, lakes, waterfalls, sea, mountains, beaches, lagoons, backwaters, hills, plains, hinterland, greenery, snow, desert, forest, religion, culture, language, literature...I can go on and on. Little wonder then that my list of places to see before I die has so many destinations left! Not even cricket, Republic or Independence Day or Bollywood can get me as close to being a patriot as the inherent need to indulge and extol on the virtues of exploring the natural bounties of the country we live in.  Each and every place I have ever visited has only refurbished my idea of India being a traveller’s delight, barring the few encumbrances of crowds, traffic, dirt and the tropical climate you may encounter during your sojourn. And if these are the very things you wish to escape, I have recently hit on the perfect place to unwind, breathe and just do away with your earthly worries.  Travel light, make sure you drive a sturdy car and are an exceptional driver to boot and book a weekend at the Fairydale Resort at Lansdowne.

An early browse through the best resorts at this picturesque hillstation in the Pauri Garhwal region of Uttarakhand revealed other viable options for accommodation like Kasang Regency, Blue Pine Resort and Ananda Retreat to name a few. However, I was glad my husband chose this resort over all others, simply because this is the closest you can get to feeling like you are living in a home away from home. With your own privacy and space being on top priority when it comes to Fairydale’s hospitality, the resort that clocks a hundred years this year, offers peace, tranquillity and fresh air, alien to the urban dweller caught in the daily humdrum of a hectic life. Providing the right amount of seclusion even as you get a glimpse of rudimentary life in the nearby hamlets, with a breath taking view of the gorgeous valley amidst the sky touching peaks, having our cottage right in the heart of all this was deeply invigorating. The sudden rains on our way uphill caused a dip in temperature rendering the climate chilled and windy for the better part of our stay but almost as if the Sun God understood we needed to soak up some shine too, it came out in all its glory giving us enough time to explore the nearby scenery and tourist spots like Bhulla Lake and the Santoshi Mata Temple.

Lansdowne was originally called Kaloo Danda which almost made me mentally thank British immigrant Lord Lansdowne after whom this place was renamed during the Raj. Till date, Lansdowne houses a War Museum that preserves relics of an almost ancient past in the form of guns, ammunition, medals of honour, musical accompaniments, uniforms, army garb and overalls, mappings of the war routes from the World Wars fought by the Garhwal Rifles, whose Regimental Centre established in Lansdowne is responsible for the town’s development and maintenance.  Of particular interest were fossils found by soldiers, the native costume and culture of tribals inhabitant in these regions and Pakistani currency bearing the forbidding face of Jinnah seized from enemy soldiers off the battleground. We also visited St.John’s and St.Mary’s churches, two pretty little Victorian structures on hill tops, giving further proof of the English influence on the local history. 

Situated at an altitude of 1706 mtrs, you may want to thank the Cantonment for the beautiful preservation of this unspoilt jewel. Hardly the type of place that can burn a hole in your budget, this Himalayan haven has just the right amount of touristy spots that are trekkable and easily covered in a short span of a day or two, without tiring you out or interrupting the rejuvenation process that sets in once you reach here. Of course, all the walking will further help you build an appetite for the deliciously healthy, hygienic and delicious feast that awaits you at the Resort- for example, a simple course of aloo gobi, paranthas, dal makhani,  chicken curry, rice and rotis in generous portions proved to please the palate and go easy on the digestion throughout our stay. By the way, make sure you pick up playing cards or good old board games like ludo or snakes n ladders if you are planning to live in rather than venture out during your stay with family or friends.

If you are driving up from Delhi, follow the route towards Hardwar and take a detour towards Meerut, crossing Mawana, Bijnor, Najibabad and finally Kotdwar. Make sure you carry motion sickness pills if you are the types who gets dizzy on circuitous routes and hair pin bends. My trick is to eat light, snack on fruits and not drink too much water. Also, great company and good music through the road trip can work wonders on a long winding journey that takes approximately 6-7 hours max.

Btw, don’t be amused if you see vehicles with UK written on their number plates. The tiny town of Lansdowne does fall in Uttarakhand, in the newly formed state of Uttaranchal.  The climate here is not very different from United Kingdom actually, with heavy snowfall in the winters and the maximum summer temperature touching 25 degrees Celsius max for the most part. Of course, the only difference is the monies you will be spilling out to afford a trip to this UK!!

B town’s Barbie Dolls

When I was a kid, one of my prized possessions used to be a beautiful Barbie doll gifted by my parents. I could spend hours playing house with her, so what if she couldn’t quite converse with me at our frequently held tea parties? Her long flowing golden tresses, those dreamy eyes with the long lashes, those sparkling brown eyes, that tiny waist and the never ending legs she had made for such a pretty picture, I could sit and admire her for hours. And nothing can describe the sheer joy of seeing her dressed up in trendy clothes of the seasons ranging from a cute summery frock to a dangerously low cut swim suit, showing off that well-toned body. Now if you have started doubting my mental health thanks to this sudden bout of nostalgia at mere girlie fascination with a toy, think again. Are we as a generation truly over our Barbie doll phase? I beg to differ and in fact would like to include the entire male  population that enjoys watching contemporary Hindi cinema indulging in just such adulation for the said Barbie dolls that girls as kids play with. Still thinking? Since you are asking for it, here’s introducing the Barbie Bolls that have endeared themselves to tinsel town so much that most of them are some of the highest paid actors in the industry today. As for their acting talent? Err…Barbie dolls don’t exactly come equipped with that quality, do they?

Katrina Kaif: There is no arguing with the fact that this British Indian beauty has looks to make a Greek Goddess envious of her. She is one of the few heroines on the block who can look cool even without make up and has the standard qualifications that guarantee you the eyeballs- long hair, fair complexion, great smile, towering height and those oomphy legs. What she doesn’t seem to have on ample display though is the strength of her performance to match the external packaging. Yes, so she seems to have earned a significant number of hoots and whistles with her Sheila and Chameli acts but that could only mark her as a good item girl. After playing wallflower in several of her initial films, Katrina has bravely tried to tread deeper waters with films like Rajneeti, Zindagi Milegi Na Dobara and Mere Brother Ki Dulhan. What goes clearly in her favour is her getting cast opposite actors like Salman Khan and Shahrukh Khan in her forthcoming films that ensures great mileage and provides excellent cover against getting pulled up for poor histrionic skills. Some people simply get lucky, as my Mom would say.

Jacqueline Fernandez: She made her debut in a film called Aladin but her claim to fame was as Dhanno in the hit item song remake of the Laawaris original, ‘Aapka kya hoga’…with Riteish Deshmukh, Akshay Kumar and Arjun Rampal for company. She sizzled with Emraan Hashmi in Murder 2 which failed to elicit too many votes in her favour. Mahesh Bhatt in this case couldn’t make a Bipasha Basu of this Sri Lankan import. Enter Sajid Khan who has now cast her in his already crowded ensemble sequel, Housefull 2 where she will be romancing John Abraham. Now considering her mentor has his hands literally full with so many actors jostling for space, it will be interesting to see what acting lessons Jacqueline is able to pick up that will make her rise above the rest.

Deepika Padukone: This is one debutante who couldn’t have asked for more in her very first film. Om Shanti Om launched her with as much pomp and splendor as befits a newbie among a thousand others. The hit Jodi of Farah Khan and Shahrukh Khan could do no wrong and together they propelled her to the heights of instant stardom, winning her quite a few plum projects in its wake. It’s been a drop downhill since then with hardly a film that would go down in the history of cinematic glory. Of course, a happening personal life has kept Deepika afloat in the front pages of gossip columns but she will need more than a Ranbir Kapoor to turn the tide of her lukewarm career in days ahead.

Sonam Kapoor: You’d have thought being blessed with a silver spoon in her mouth and Anil Kapoor’s genes and simply being a Kapoor would make life easy for Sonam. Yes, she has managed to get the paparazzi going crazy over her recent tryst with international fashion houses and designers but if her last film Players is anything to go by, Sonam will need more than just cocktail gowns and backless cholis to help her get appreciated as a blooming actor in her own right. And you thought being a star kid was easy.

Nargis Fakhri: The good news is her age seems to be the least of the factors that could make or break Nargis’ film career. The girl who brought so much grief to Ranbir Kapoor’s character in Rockstar must be having sleepless nights over the fact that no A-list star is particularly knocking on her door with offers after her debut. The fish like pout, the light brown mane and the regal posture may be getting the flashbulbs popping wherever she walks but we will have to wait and watch how this half Kashmiri-half Czech damsel’s shot at glamour and fame pans out.

The Go To Girls of Bollywood

If you are a film journalist constantly hounded by your boss for new dope on celebs and your salary depends on how much space you are able to fill on the pages of the magazine or newspaper you work for, you already know who I am referring to in the title of this post. It can be quite a challenge spinning err… I mean reporting news on the lives and loves of media-evading celebrities, day in and day out, especially when they choose to be MIA unless promoting their latest film. So new age journos have discovered a back up method of how to provide that daily dose of chutzpah to your breakfast table without endangering their livelihood. When in dire need and all else fails, switch to Plan B of entertainment journalism. For if the A-listers of tinseltown are giving you attitude, there is a whole brigade of wagging tongues waiting for you to hold that dictaphone or microphone in their faces.

These people love their voices and love to be heard and their mantra in life is to speak to get noticed. No wonder then that they can surpass an average film star to grab headlines on a day when journalists are in crunch situations aka in desperate need to put news on that Godforsaken page. Incidentally all of these good Samaritans whom the media has manufactured in to gaining celebrity status thus feeding to each others’ individual motives, happen to belong to the female sex. After all, women in our country take their right to freedom of speech very seriously as yours truly has proven through this blog! You may spot these women in the odd item number wearing a two piece bikini once in a while but what gets them the eyeballs is that controversial quote they cook up, to stay in the limelight. Some of them have even successfully maneuvered social media networking sites like facebook and twitter to keep us abreast of their pearls of wisdom on everything that matters! So here’s presenting the perpetual victims of verbal diarrhea in Bollywood.

Pooja Bedi: She may have only one blockbuster film to her credit till date called Jo Jeeta Wohi Sikander but that doesn’t stop MsBedi from spewing vitriolic on everything and everyone that irks her. It helps to have the illustrious lineage of Kabir and Protima Bedi to her name and status. Her professional qualifications and credentials may be questionable but Bedi has managed to hold her own among her herd, with her classy dressing, heavily sophisticated although opinionated commentary and glossy Page 3 appearances. May be that’s why she has a chat show, an agony aunt space, her own column in a prestigious newspaper and26,984 followers on twitter (on last count). Reality shows seem to love her and as long as she gets the attention and the desired moolah, I guess she loves them back. One of the pioneers of the ‘go to girls’ trend, Pooja Bedi easily stands tall among the others in this space.

Quote Unquote: “It's clear Salman went in there (inside the Bigg Boss house) to demoralise, confuse, hurt and lie to Sky. Any guesses as to why he would misuse his position to do so?"

Rakhi Sawant: She had a nation glued to her televised swayamvar which later failed to reach a happy ending, is known to have publicly humiliated her ex-boyfriend and inspired Punjab da singer Mika to dedicate a song to her, lamenting a much hyped smooch with the pouty damsel.  Whether throwing a tantrum after losing a dance show on the small screen or threatening to turn politician with a surprise appearance at the Parliament, Rakhi Sawant never fails to get noticed. A popular Hindi news channel was even rumoured to have signed a contract with her to keep viewers engaged with her crazy antics at regular intervals on air! She may be relegated to the more crass, downmarket and cheesy category of item songs that Bollywood is known for but she must be doing something right to get invited to Koffee with Karan which otherwise boasts of VVIP guests from the Hindi film industry, where she openly confessed to using cosmetic surgery to look good. You cannot argue that only Sawant has the guts to slam superstar Salman Khan twice in TV history- once for not being held in the same esteem as his sister in law Malaika Arora as an item girl and again when she criticized Katrina’s portrayal of ‘chikni chameli’ claiming she could have done a better job!

Quote Unquote: “Agent Vinod’s children are almost as old as his girlfriend.”

Poonam Pandey: She shot to fame for promising to strip for the Men in Blue i.e the Indian cricket team after they won the World Cup in 2011 but since then has stuck to her skimpy promises of undressing for a cause- the cause ranging from welcoming PM Manmohan Singh on twitter or celebrating holi with her 1,44,136 twitter fans. Her ambitious promises also won her a spot in Akshay Kumar’s Khatron Ke Khiladi in its last season. What next? Don’t be surprised to see her in forthcoming editions of Bigg Boss and no, don’t get your hopes high if she promises to shed more clothes on reality TV, like our politicians- she’ll make you keep voting on that offer but never deliver in the end.

Quote Unquote: (on twitter) “OMG!!! Cant believe it that AKON also follows me on twitter... that showz Poonam Pandey is making india proud WHATSAY!!!”

Sherlyn Chopra: She managed a teensy weensy role in a Yashraj film which unfortunately tanked at the box office inspite of Shahid Kapoor and Rani Mukherji playing lead. However, you won’t have missed Chopra’s rave reviews of herself and how her sexy image seems to be a hit all over. What else would justify a periodical appearance in daily newspapers with busty pictures of her, passing inane comments on celebrities and the film industry.

Quote Unquote: (on twitter) “You can talk all u want. (sic) But my skin is very thick. I'm the leader of the crowd and my game is really sleek. I'm unstoppable!”

Mallika Sherawat: Unike this pack, Sherawat has achieved international status so she can talk about Obama and Hollywood in the same breath, without batting an eyelid. Keeping her busy and visible in India are a spate of item numbers in Bollywood. This is one lass who has managed to keep walking the red carpet to Cannes, visit the White House and rub shoulders with the who’s who of Hollywood sheerly based on her bold and sexy image and getting to the headlines of our Indian dailies seems to be a piece of cake, considering she is India’s unappointed but seemingly newsworthy goodwill ambassador to foreign shores. Kindly move over Mr. S M Krishna, we have a new candidate for your post!

Quote Unquote:  (To Bill Clinton) “Now that you are seen standing with me, 2 billion people will get to know you!” (I really wonder what BC had to say to that!!)

Veena Malik: Her tragic romantic trysts have now started sounding like yesterday’s jaded news and her mysterious friendship with Ashmit Patel may not interest everyone, but Veena Malik is Pakistan’s version of a gift to India in recent times and she seems to be here to stay. Her overtly ‘sexy bitch’ image on Bigg Boss was followed by a lackluster Channo number in the recent but already forgotten film, Gali Gali Chor Hai but Malik ensures she stays in gossip gallery whether with her spontaneous lip lock with Bobby Darling or her frequent disappearing acts from the sets of films she shoots for. Watch out for her in the next edition of NDTV Imagine’s Swayamvar series, decked up to choose a bridgegroom for herself. After all, only a country like ours would not only bother to host foreign actors with questionable talent but also take up the financial responsibility of marrying them off to a suitable match and getting them settled. I love my India!

Quote Unquote: “I knew that guys serious about getting married would send in their profiles, but over 71,000 is a number beyond my expectations. And though I was expecting entries from the UK, US, India and Pakistan, I found it surprising to see a large number of entries from Poland. I think Pakistani and Indian girls are famous for their beauty, family values and tradition, which is why even guys from Poland are interested.”