Of hearts and heart breakers

What happens when you put together a plot, characters and director? A film. But what happens when you add a star pairing that lights up the screen every time they come together? A romance. That’s a theory that the Hindi film industry has been milking dry for eons now. Every film given the odd action thriller is geared towards throwing a couple together and depicting the throes of passion, the disappointment of heartbreak and the triumph of love, in film after film, willing the box office to favour the chemistry and turn the pairing in to the next big thing. Unfortunately, not everyone makes it to the top. In fact, some including real-to-reel life pairings like that of Ajay-Kajol, Saif-Kareena and Ranbir-Katrina have even failed to excite movie-goers to give their films a decent opening.

So what is it about SRK-Kajol that people can’t get enough of? And why was it so exciting to have Deepika and Ranbir repeat their casting in Yeh Jawani Hai Deewani or the recent Tamasha that got the country’s youth rooting for them? We don’t know why but the truth is, a love story is not just one because it narrates a plot we want to be part of, but because it makes us identify characters we want to become, or at least root for. So here’s a rundown of love stories that turned reel romances in to the stuff of dreams, making these couples so memorable that even after all these years, we just can’t seem to get enough of them.

Now all we need to do is get a filmmaker to cast them in an eternal love story again!

Amitabh Rekha They ruled the box-office and people’s hearts for the good part of the ‘70s and ‘80s. Acting enthusiasts till date are given their example and their scenes to enact to be able to capture a fraction of what this reel couple could bring out on screen. Pick up any film they starred in and you will recall memorable scenes from Muqaddar ka Sikandar or the controversial Silsila. It is difficult to pinpoint what feels so mersmerising and believable- the raw passion in their eyes or the way they seemed to be engaging in a soulful repartee. It all seemed to draw the viewer in and make him believe this was it! A true text in star couple charisma, that baritone voice and that sultry drawl is something that is too evergreen to be forgotten in a hurry.

Anil Kapoor Madhuri Dixit from Tezaab to Pukar, from Beta to Jamai Raja, these two have sparkled on screen, matching acting chops and every dance move, perfectly in sync. Sometimes it is hard to believe that they were last seen only in 2000. It’s been 15 years since. Anil is fresh from his stints in Hollywood and television appearances in the US, he’s never looked younger and Madhuri is raring to go ever since her return back to India. What are we waiting for?!

Salman-Aishwarya Yes, yes, so she got married, he went on to reclaim superstardom with every film since then and life couldn’t look better for Sallu bhai, but the truth is no co-star has had the same effect on this macho man. Go watch Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam to see what I am talking about. They never did a film before this and neither after but Sameer’s unwavering pining and Nandini’s feisty effort to get him back in her life have often nursed the tender heart of a jilted lover. The good news is Ash is back post marriage and motherhood and what these two could do with a love story is something every filmmaker of some worth should think about.

Aamir Juhi In film after film, this star couple has not only proved that they are capable of matching wits but also their comic timing. Their career graph shows their rise, from the sheer innocence of doomed teenage love in Qayamat Se Qayamat Tak to the rib-tickling light-heartedness of Hum Hain Rahi Pyar Ke. Both have established themselves as actors who can bite in to a mean role with much zeal. All they need is a matured love story that reminds one that when it comes to romance, time and age are really no bar.

Yes Boss!

Like them, love the, loathe them. They are here to stay! All of us who have entered the professional sphere at some point in our lives have encountered them. I know people who dread switching jobs because they have this deep-seated fear that their next boss may just turn out to be worse than the present one. No matter how well placed you are to hold the post offered by a prestigious or start-up company, what you cannot guarantee is how compatible you will be with your new boss. Although having given many an interview, I have learnt to judge these ubiquitous office entities early on, there is no way of judging how things may turn out eventually once you actually work with them. I mark 10 years of my work experience this year and somehow, when I look back and reflect on the whole journey, one thing that stands out is the camaraderie I share with some of my bosses and how wonderfully they have contributed to the learnings I have imbibed through them.

I was lucky enough to get an extremely cool woman as one of my foremost bosses quite early in my career. It was my first spate with hard core entertainment broadcast journalism. Although I was put under another immediate boss by her, my true tryst with the fun part of work started only when I was moved to work directly on her pet project- a weekend entertainment show on prime time news television. What differentiates a great boss from an average one is her ability to make you learn without throwing her weight and knowledge around at every given opportunity, which sort of smothers the confidence and freedom of imagination that a newbie might bring to the table. My understanding of her stature came from the way she dealt with the toughest of situations, her quick fix solutions to the biggest of crises and an unwavering charm that overpowered every distress call we faced at work. Being calm under pressure was an art she had mastered, in fact, making a seemingly tense situation humorous was her forte. Needless to say, no one in her team ever wished to work with any other boss and her exit was mourned over as much as the editorial tutelage that we missed after she left the organisation.

Famous Last Line:

Me: But there is just no way we are going to find a celebrity within the next one day to fill this slot in the show.

She: We will handle it. There is always a solution to the worst of problems. All we need to do is turn around the bend and look for it.

My next memorable mentor happened to transport me in to a world of art and its management. A living breathing legend of the theatre community herself, adulation and admiration for her craft, expertise and body of work was a given, no matter who she met. She could draw people to meet her just by her name and with the random message, “need to discuss an idea”. But what really marked her out for me, is her ability to switch from her free-thinking artistic sensibilities to become the meticulous director of all the programmes we conceptualised and executed. Her passion for her job was such that she could often be found fiddling with pencils, paper and rulers, etching out strategies, schedules and marking calenders for a new POA. Her time was defined to a point where she knew whom she would need to meet four weeks from now or which call she needed to make a month later in tandem with the events calendar we needed to maintain and adhere to. Sitting for a chat with her was as educational as it was fun, with her using anecdotes from a time bygone when she was in the heat of producing her best work till date and at the same time, sharing her excitement of a new production we would set in motion in coming days. I have seen young directors half her age sit enraptured and all ears at this woman’s words, with no semblance of a generation gap. That is the beauty of art, it transcends age, culture and status. It helped me open my eyes to a world full of possibilities, creative energies and artistic crescendo. Her oldest peon used to tell me how she is as nifty a homemaker as she is at work, managing the kitchen, household chores and her maids with effortless ease. And all this at the ripe old age of 73! Actually I take my words back, ‘old’ seems like an insult to the grace, charm, intelligence and zeal she personified.

Me: We have a huge event calendar ahead Ma’am. How will we possibly manage to get 6 large scale events on the floor within the next two months?

She: We will. Let’s start by planning backwards.

(By the end of this exercise, I knew precisely which call to make and who to meet with today to lead up to the main event two months later!)

I had no experience of PR or having worked in a start-up before I joined this particular agency. Also delving in to a job that needed me to work in such a set up in an alien city meant that I was biting more than I could chew. One week in to the job and I was already thinking I would treat myself if I could survive the disparately functional culture in this new place for even six months. Today I have done myself proud by sailing steady for over 3 years and counting. This despite several life changes including moving cities, becoming a mother et al. A major factor that has aided my longevity is my boss’ faith in my skills, experience and ability to tackle my responsibilities efficiently without needing to breathe down my neck. It is here that I realised that the reason I have been able to flourish and grow as a professional and person is the space I was allowed to thrive in. Taking key decisions, being valued for my inputs and consulted for crucial occasions instilled in me trust and security. At the same time, what has been delightful is the approachability and comfort that a boss who also owns a company exudes when an employee of any status wishes to confide in him. This has made me understand how important it is to not lose your head to arrogance and ego when you reign your kingdom. The ability to stay grounded despite the highs helps a person become invincible in the face of a crisis that tries to bring you down. And for this life lesson, I am indebted to my boss. I have also learnt that learning to appreciate is important, and expressing that appreciation from time to time is even more important.

E: On any suggestion I may have taken till date…

B: If you see no problem to the company in taking this decision, we don’t see why we should not trust you on it.

Comedy Bytes on TV- Ep 1

If you have no sense of humour, there is no point of watching TV these days. Because the real joy of watching anything out there is to find excuses to laugh over. With the dearth of real good comedy on Indian TV (ya, ya…I don’t dig Comedy Circus and the like), I make do with random stuff I come across. Read on and share a giggle/smirk if you agree:

Sonam Kapoor in the latest Loreal ad trying to convince me that I am worth it. The accent and the drawl of her speech. Glossy glossy.

Aishwarya Rai trying to get eyeballs with a kick ass role (literally not otherwise) in a Sanjay Gupta film of all things. Also, trying to look extremely sleek and slender with black overalls. Sheesh. I hope All Iz Well.

Imtiaz Ali and so many directors before and after him who are milking the Ranbir-Deepika ex-romance and still hot chemistry for their romcoms and love stories. And the ex-couple having no qualms of making a ‘tamasha’ out of that sparkling flame.

Abbas Mastan trying their hand at C-grade comedy after an A-grade thriller like Race 2. Kapil Sharma, the guys at Colours called. They want their hassee ka badshah back.

Imran Khan managing to always sneak away with the excuse that ‘the film didn’t quite turn out the way I thought it would’ to overshadow his non-performance as an actor.

Lara Dutta having debuted with Akshay Kumar at one point of time now reduced to her role in Singh is Bling starring him.

That we are still singing Prem Ratan Dhan Paayo in today’s day and age. And that Salman still kills it as Prem.

That Badshah and Yo Yo Honey Singh look and sound the same with every new song and YET set the music charts ablaze with every new single.

Rimi Sen on Bigg Boss 9 saying she is on the show to make friends because she has none in the world outside. Hahahahaha.

The Pihu Diary: A World of Discoveries Through The Eyes of a 1 Year Old

When Pihu turned one, we were joyous with the milestone. Like most parents. Pihu meanwhile couldn’t figure what the big deal was. She was being pampered, given more attention than she could handle, was randomly moved around among a splay of arms, embraces and laps. Was smothered with kisses and cajoled into listening to random babytalk by people all around. All she relished were the bits of cake she managed to lick off my fingers and her first night out doing disco with her Dad on a dancefloor.

She also mastered the art of perching her little buns on a baby seat, wearing a napkin around her neck and picking on her choice of finger food- slices of cucumber and tomatoes which she daintily ate with little care of what the world was upto. All was well till we realised that she was now going to need to stretch those legs very soon. And get her hands dirty on everything she could pick, rub, mash, smash, crush, break, press or touch. It all began with her crawling all over the floor and taking an odd fascination for slippers and shoes which she loves to slip her nimble hands into. Yeah, not something to be proud of.  To her defence, she has also developed a strange fascination for books, journals, magazines, any sort of reading material. It doesn’t even have to have pictures. Nothing beats the glee of having that crisp morning newspaper in hand, flipping through the pages and discovering the happenings of the day. Discovery being the catch word here.

My little button-sized daughter has begun to read already in her head. Before you start dismissing her as a nerd by the way, let me warn you. She loves grooving to lively music as well. I have also caught her smiling at some people on TV, almost as if she understands what they say and finds it mildly amusing.

Her speech may be monosyllabic and inarticulate to most but mind you, she has a mind of her own when it comes to taking instructions or placing an opinion. A handful of expressions and gestures are used time and again for more emphasis. Modulating her voice to show distaste or indicate sleep, boredom or happiness is also something she is mastering right now.

Do not mistake her curiosity to know everything as a bait to lure her with something though. She will not go to you just because you find her cute or call out to her. She likes to take her time over approving her company.  She may smile at you and watch you from a distance, but don’t get too close for comfort or cuddly, our little lady likes to keep a distance till she is sure she can trust you.

Pihu loves dogs. She loves lights. She loves the outdoors. And simply adores her Mom and Dad. She wants to run before she can walk steadily and sing before she can talk coherently. Slow down kid, we want to watch you grow without losing out on these precious days of freedom, mirth and love without a care!

The Pihu Diary: The Agony Inducing Aunts

The amount of badmouthing and foreboding that these aunties do can give AIB competition! And if you are a new mother, then you know exactly what I am talking about. So everyone from the woman in the metro to an overtly interfering neighbour, your own chachi to the woman who sells you incense sticks…everyone has an opinion on the new member in your life- your new born kid. And no matter how many books and baby knowledge centres and clubs you are privy to, they will shun all that you know, and insist on being the voice of Divine Providence, sent down on earth to rescue your ignoramus brain from the clutches of common sense.

Here are a few tips, tirades and travails I have been subjected to:

You are going to have a baby now. Time to start eating lots of ghee. It will help the baby grow fat and healthy.
Your baby is born now. She is not fat which means she is NOT healthy.
You are not putting on too much weight which means you are not fat which means you are NOT healthy.
You are pregnant. Wait till you get those nausea pangs. The first three months will kill your appetite if not make you sick to the core.
If you had a smooth first trimester, oh you don’t even know the hardest part yet. Wait till the seventh month when your baby starts kicking in the night and you start having sleepless nights and anxiety pangs.
You are in your ninth month. Oh, you don’t know what’s coming. Normal deliveries are the most painful way you could have a kid. The labour pain may just last for more than a day. You could go unconscious in the midst of labour or the baby may not be in the right position. But make sure the only way you have the delivery is normal. All the best with the pain :D
C section? Are you insane? Is the doctor insane? No way. It is the most painful way to have a baby. You will have a paunch and those ugly staple marks to show for life. And back aches, and migraines.
Your baby is born. Get ready to suffer sleepless nights when you got to get up every two hours to feed.
What?? Your baby is not toilet trained at 1 already? Take her to the loo every half an hour. She doesn’t want to piss. Make her. Make these ‘ssss’ sounds.
Keep the baby without diapers. So what if she is soiling the bed? A diaper free baby means more work and that is exactly what you have signed up for, new mommy! :D
Is she teething? Prepare for runny diapers and feverish babies crying out in the middle of the night.
She is a toddler and is walking away to glory. Ah, you think you have crossed the bridge, do you? Wait till she starts going to school and coming back with lice, the common cold and even scratches from a fight.
If after reading these helpful nuggets of AIA wisdom, you still look forward to the so-called joys of parenthood, you have passed the test. After all, what is gain without pain? Right?

PS. I have kept away from the superstitions and rites of passage I was asked to be part of because all that is another story altogether.

Marriage and to be or not to be…in it!

The essence of a good marriage is respect for each other’s personality combined with that deep intimacy, physical, mental and spiritual, which makes a serious love between man and woman the most fructifying of all human experiences. Such love, like everything that is great and precious, demands its own morality, and frequently entails a sacrifice of the less to the greater, but such sacrifice must be voluntary, for where it is not, it will destroy the very basis of the love for the sake of which it is made.

-          Bertrand Russell, Marriage & Morals (1929)

Interestingly, the celebrated writer in question as per Wikipedia fell in love with a girl called Alys, married her against his grandmother’s wishes but the marriage fell apart when he realised one fine day while cycling that he no longer loved her. He has also been the perpetrator of a seemingly passionate string of affairs with several women of high standing and fame, during his lifetime.

Not to mar his credibility or understanding of the human tendencies that kill a marriage or the singular deep-seated factors that ensure a happy one, I second him on his insightful discourse on the secret of sustaining wedlock. Having been at the receiving end of several queries with regards to how to be happy and married from friends, colleagues and relations, I have often been in a dilemma as to how to approach this question. In a day and age where marriage is rapidly assuming different meanings for a modern generation which is increasingly questioning conventional bonds and institutes, I am in a fix as to whether to propagate the holy sanctity of it or adopt a cynical stand like a victim who has been inflicted with much pain having undergone the experience of being betrothed myself. 

Let me begin by saying there is no one formula to a happy marriage. Different individuals have different demands and expectations from it. However, even if we were to assume that everyone finally aspires to be loved and love his or her partner in equal proportions, the above observation made by Russell would hold true for both parties. However, thanks to the deeply entrenched mesh of family values, orthodox mindsets, gender bias, narrow mindedness, religious and cultural stigmas and traditional patriarchal dominance, marriages are unnervingly tilted to offer unlimited benefits to the man in our society. This has meant a snatching away of everything a woman may hold dear in her maternal household- right from her name, her freedom, her right to expressing an opinion, her independence, financial status and in extreme cases what she can eat, when she should fast, what she should be doing during her menstrual cycle, how many kids she should have- a woman after marriage is to not have any right to her own mind, body and soul. 

That said, marriages are clearly working out differently in urban societies today. Increasingly, you may find the husband sharing household responsibilities, even nurturing kids while the wife goes to work, encouraging financial independence for his partner, moving in to her maternal home without taking a hit to his ego, planning a family based on the mother-to-be’s wishes and so on. Essentially letting the wife be without getting threatened or insecure about the choices she will end up making. Like #Deepika Padukone in the #VogueEmpower video states: It is her choice indeed. Unfortunately, a majority of women even in this century do not get to exercise exactly that- their choice and you would be appalled to see the same country that so eagerly embraces a western outlook when it comes to their sons, is driven to subjugate daughters so that they are used to being treated as secondary in their marital homes.

As to answering the reverberating question of whether it is indeed possible to be happily married at all, I will let Mr. Russell answer that for you. Read on:

It is possible for a civilised man and woman to be happy in marriage, although if this is to be the case a number of conditions must be fulfilled. There must be a feeling of complete equality on both sides, there must be no interference with mutual freedom, there must be the most complete physical and mental intimacy; and there must be a certain similarity in regard to standard of values. (It is fatal for example, if one values only money while the other values only good work.) Given all these conditions, I believe marriage to be the best and most important relation that can exist between two human beings. If it has not been realised hitherto, that is chiefly because husbands and wives have regarded themselves as each other’s policemen. If marriage is to achieve its possibilities, husbands and wives must learn to understand that whatever the law must say, in their private lives they must be free.

Amen to that.

All India Bigotry (The Real #AIB)

We are a nation of bigots, whether you want to accept it or not. Our levels of self-censorship are so convoluted and farcical, that we ourselves won’t be able to explain the logic of our mindsets and how we view the paradigms of what is socially acceptable and what is not. The same man who sees himself as a victim of economic disparity in the country and human exploitation at the workplace has no qualms about abusing and physically taxing his domestic help or those under him. The same person who is a devout God-fearing disciple of some or the other form of God dupes himself by thinking he can wash away his sins by offering donations at some temple or charitable concern. The same person who practices pre-marital sex wants a virgin wife after marriage. We are the same nation that censors porn but welcomes the pin-up girl Sunny Leone to strut her stuff in item songs and live shows. And while we go all out to make a mockery of the very values we preach so hard, we can’t stand anyone with a sense of humour.

We are the same nation whose Broadcasting Board translates crap or bullshit as nonsense as it is not appropriate content for universal television viewing. Of course, we can say MC, BC and CH to the whole world when something goes wrong in our lives without turning around to see who is listening. Mr. Aamir Self-Righteous Khan does not like profanity as a form of comedy as he thinks he is beyond that age when he can laugh at such things. Much has been said about his production Delhi Belly using words like D K Bose and Jaa Chudail which got very popular in the name of entertainment. Of course the wonderful part of India is it is a free country and Mr. Khan is entitled to his opinion. It is indeed odd that in such a stringent scenario, AIB decided to host a live show where 4000 spectators were in audience, and much foul language, sexual innuendos and pointed jokes about people’s skin colour, bedroom antics and physical features were cracked.  While the culprits of the act seemed to have a ball and have won much support among youngsters for their act of bravado in a sexually and morally repressed nation; detractors have left no stone unturned to condemn them.

As a country that is demographically dominated by the youth, we need to be careful of what we are putting up there for public viewing, no doubt about that. And the AIB Roast is a great idea and attempt to mock-criticise people on a panel in a mutually rib-tickling manner. The question is: Would it be less funny if done without verbal abuse or casting aspersions at someone’s dark skin or dissecting a star’s private life, leaving it bare and out there in the open to be derided? Doesn’t this license such behaviour among friends, with colleagues and bosses, from neighbours or family? Would we accept and validate such humour in our daily lives? So let’s not applaud AIB yet. It has got the mood and momentum going, but there is a thin line between dirty and witty. Let’s not cross it as with the power to influence young minds, comes immense responsibility. To be honest, I laughed hard at most of the jokes cracked that evening but I’d anyday prefer Barely Speaking With Arnub by The Viral Fever. The verbose megalomaniac of a host on that show attacks without hitting below the belt. The Vigil Idiot's way of downsizing Hindi potboilers gets me rolling on the floor laughing. Then again, I hope it stays that way.

Let’s try and enjoy laughing at the lighter side of life. Open our minds to calling a spade a spade but not at someone’s expense. And also understand that pop culture is a direct reflection of the times we live in.  Ask Yo Yo Honey Singh. The poor chap only sings about partying, alcohol and scantily clad aspirational women who dope shope and are out to have a ball (no pun intended) and he gets brickbats for his ‘ashleel’ lyrics. I know a whole generation which lives exactly by his definition of having a good time. But it is much easier to chastise Honey Singh for it, right?

The Pihu Diary- The woods are dark & deep and I have promises to keep…

Nothing can punctuate the joy of having a baby girl as part of your family. In a country like ours, that statement itself is debatable across class, community and region. However, having been brought up in a liberated setting where my parents never stopped me from chasing my dreams, gave me wings to fly and the best of everything in the right doses so I knew how to cherish them, I never felt inferior to my male counterparts. As daughters, we were never conditioned to believe that we must be submissive, sacrificing and soft-hearted. We were asked to pursue a career, choose a husband of our liking and have the guts to make a life of our own.  The world outside was a different ballgame altogether. Come puberty and we were suddenly assaulted with the harsh truth that every woman has to face. Groping hands, frisky fingers, lecherous eyes, stalking strangers, dirty talking oldies…being out on your own meant facing all this and more.

In most instances, I would tell my Mom about the painful incident, each time she would get infuriated, angsty and then look helpless. I soon realized that if I had to survive the mad jungle of desperate creeps, I would have to set a few norms for myself. So yes, there have been times when I have hailed a cab on a deserted lane at night and felt perfectly comfortable doing it and at other times stood at a shady bus-stop and felt mentally raped by the men standing with me in broad daylight. But I also remember incidents where I have walked the streets of Bandra at 1 am in the night with a female friend or sat in a bus at 11 pm at night with a few stray men for company and yet never felt like cringing. Being in Mumbai, a city considered as one of the safest for women, I knew I had it easier than most women in other cities of India and yet, I have never taken that freedom for granted. A woman must watch her back no matter where she is, this I knew instinctually and is a lesson learnt for life. So when I knew I was late in reaching home, I used to make sure I drop down at a busy station nearest to my place and then rick it home. Or stay back at a friend’s when I was partying or drinking late with friends. I knew my parents trusted me to be responsible and I was too grateful for their faith in me to ever let them down.

Now when I am a mother myself, I strangely don’t feel so self-assured about giving the same liberty to my daughter. I wish I could be as cool and nonchalant as my Mom about Pihu going out in the world and paving her destiny. But here I am, worried sick about who she hangs out with, which crèche is safe enough, any malicious entity touching or harming her, any stranger on the road luring her with a chocolate in to a discreetly positioned car parked in an alleyway, that old sleazy looking professor giving her the lascivious looks, that gym instructor who gets too close for comfort while she works out, the doctor who wants to give her a private examination. She must be protected at all times! From lewd comments, lusty eyes, fidgety hands, irrepressible urges…at home, in office, at a bar, on a road, in a car, on a holiday…how do I ensure that she will never come to harm? How will I ever face her if I fail? How can I justify bringing her in to a world which treats her like a potential target for sexual violence? A country where she will get no respect for her achievements; rather be ogled at for being a woman.

We are a country of big time bigotry. How else does a rapist go home to his wife and play the adorable husband? How does such a man touch his mom’s feet? What is he thinking when he sends off his sister to her husband’s place? How is the son of a rapist going to learn to give a woman her rightful place in his life? We don’t know what we are doing to our women and how it will affect our future generations. For a ‪#‎swachhBharat to exist we will have to start with the cleansing of the minds of the men in this country. Starting with the men at home is the first step. Making sure the cleanliness drive reaches the remotest parts of India is an ambition we must fulfill if we are to call our nation ‘our motherland’ and be able to do so with respect to its women.

I am confident that there will come a day when my little butterfly will be able to take flight with her wings intact, her eyes set on a goal she has her hopes set on and I can let go, without getting intimidated or anxious about which net could ensnare and wound her.

After all, she has the right to fly. Now all I need is room to breathe easy when she does.