The Pihu Diary: Turning two= twice the trouble!

Parents are the most vulnerable set of adults you will ever find this side of the century, especially when they happen to have a nuclear family set-up. Being bread- winners and caretakers may seem part of the basic plot, but that’s hardly skimming the surface. Bending over backwards in order to keep their kids in place while managing to ignore every other concern on the planet including personal well-being comes as a guaranteed twist to their plan of action. And believe it or not, this realisation hits you pretty early, in fact as soon as your kid hits the dreaded age of two.

When a lot of parents warned me about kids in their terrible twos and having seen some of them myself, I lent a sympathetic ear and nodded my head rather sagely but little did I know it encompassed every little kid in its ambit- no matter how docile or well-behaved he or she might seem early on. So when Pihu approached the wild and whacky phase of toddlerhood, I least imagined keeping my fingers crossed every time she took a nap hoping I would get some ‘me time’ or at least attend to an odd chore here or an urgent errand there. And before you know it, my very socially amiable and quick on the uptake tiny tot was all over the house, scurrying across to every prohibited nook and corner, raiding my boudoir and seizing everything ‘adult’ within her puny hand’s reach, from her granny’s specs to her dad’s laptop. No matter what she lay eyes on, if it was within touching distance, it must be held, hot or cold, sharp or blunt, greasy or dry, liquid or solid,…I think you get the picture.

As a new parent determined to prove my mettle when it came to being attentive and meticulous while safeguarding my child from any potential danger, I started developing a sixth sense. Gaining insights in to future risks by studying behavioural patterns and mood swings helped me get premonitions about what could possibly be her next move. This was essential to nip the adventurous spirit of my child in the bud before her next fall or injury. As a compensatory token of appreciation, I must pat my back for securing this precarious sense of victory no matter how short-lived by catching her before she slipped on a wet floor, toppled the contents of a bottle of lotion, broke a glass container or misplaced a set of keys. Unfortunately, I also couldn’t stop her from doing much more as it sunk in that no matter how smart you think you may be, there is someone two steps ahead even at a teensie-weensie fraction of your age. That however, does not mean you can admit defeat and wave the white flag just yet because no matter how cumbersome it may be, seeing her in some sort of trouble is too nerve-wracking a thought to ignore her antics. In other words, you can’t run, and you can’t hide.

On the bright side, Pihu’s constant need for activity means she has begun to exercise her exploratory bent of mind, learn through observation and imitation and exhibit large and fine motor skills. She can swap and change sizes of pictures on a mobile screen besides typing out digits, she can identify every person by relation and picks up new words everyday enough to form sentences that are coherent and clear in thought and speech. She gets excited by the name of ‘school’ enough to wake up and brush her teeth herself everyday, likes to pick her clothes when going out and prefers to dine at the table with adults with her own set of cutlery all by herself. So much growth at such speed sometimes does make you wonder about God’s way of creating and making us adapt to our environments so naturally. With so much energy and intellectual capacity, what exactly is going on in the mind of a two year old? Does a child this young have the ability to understand what she is up against and the worldly expectations that are fast piling up on her? Or is she content knowing that she simply exists, can run about and scream and shout without a care? I may be wrong but it’s hard to miss the look of sheer satisfaction when she is lying beside her mom and dad on both sides, with one arm around one’s neck and her other hand fondling the other’s ear. It’s a look that says here I am and this is what makes me happy. I am the link between both of you and this is where I belong. It’s a fact that is irrefutable and full of promise and a thought that is as comforting as it is exciting at the same time.

Sultanvi: Decoding a timeless superstar’s secret to success

So the undisputed Sultan of mass appeal has delivered yet another blockbuster film. No one can refute the fact that Salman Khan knows his audience and has perfected the art of pandering to its whims and fancies, no matter how juvenile it makes him look for a man past his prime. But then, this man is hardly past his prime even where age is concerned if he is able to romance heroines half his age and pulverise much fitter pahelwaans so convincingly, right? So what if the silver grey in his hair and the sagging skin on his face are tough to get rid of and manage to get their share of the spotlight and his dance moves look like a child could do better! It is all fair in the name of a mindblowing Bollywood potboiler. Critics may go on raging against the fact that he has been sticking to a plot that has long been flogged dead with every successive hit but if his massive box office figures are anything to go by, we are witnessing a superstar’s innings whose strike rate is far from waning just yet. Like it or not, from chasing skirts or in this film, Anushka’s salwar in ‘Baby ko bass pasand hai’ to running after kites, this man sure looks like he can get away with murder. Oops! Let’s ignore that pun for the moment.

No matter how unheroic this man’s criminal record may look like, the truth is his fans can’t be more adulatory when it comes to putting him on a pedestal and the industry would rather tolerate his tantrums than let go of a hero who enjoys such clout at the box office, spanning the multiplex to the small town single screen audience. His films don’t need A R Rahman’s musical talent, Rajkumar Hirani or Imtiaz Ali’s directorial flair and a co-star with tried and tested chemistry. This man has changed the rules of filmmaking to suit his comfort level. The stories are simple, the narration spiffy, the music foot-tapping or at least hummable, the dialogues are an excuse to showcase his machismo and the comedy rib-tickling. It has all the ingredients of a paisa-vasool dekko for an audience that digs escapist fare and can’t get enough of it. When he laughs, you laugh, when he cries, you are reasonably moved and when the film is over, you are relieved that everything managed to fall in to place and you were left with a happy ending and a silly smile to take back home.

It is a take away yours truly is also truly guilty of. I remember shedding a tear when little Munni unites with her Maamu in the last scene of Bajrangi Bhaijaan or in this film, when Sultan reunites with his wife. You may be able to predict these end-results ages before you actually reach them but that doesn’t stop you from falling flat for the melodrama served to you like the generous platter of biryani Salman is known to dole out at his Id parties. Like he says in a scene in the film where Amit Sadh who gives him his career’s second break is trying to coax him in to joining him at his birthday party. “Melodrama!” “Hamare gaon mein kahavat hai, Angrezi mein sunata hoon, ‘Don’t teach your father how to make babies.” Quite clearly, Salman knows how to milk the audience’s emotional quotient and mint money with it.

So inspirational is his bravado that I wasn’t surprised when a hefty boy sitting next to me exclaimed after watching Sultan’s triumph to his dad, “Main bhi kushti ladhunga Papa aur world champion banke dikhaunga.” To which his unimpressed Dad retorted, “Ye picture se. Ghar chal chora, tuition ke liye late ho jaave hai.” Yeah. I watched the film at a neighbourhood theatre in Haryana and if you ask me what’s the best part of the film, it is the fact that it put hitherto ‘uncool’ places like Faridabad and Rewari on the map of breeding hubs for well-bred wrestlers who can raise the country’s calibre on an international platform.

The Pihu Diary: A Joyful Inheritance

Mother’s Day just went by and well, my little Pihu is too young to have figured that out. 

Most mothers take it as a compliment to see their children grow up to be like them. But that’s only if they inherit the right qualities I am thinking.

Pihu bears a striking resemblance to her Dad which does not go unnoticed by anyone who sees her for the first time. This does not irk me honestly as she seems to have got his best features J However, having passed on my genes to her, I would like to see a few attributes passing on to Pihu from me as well. So that got me thinking. What would be those ideal traits I would want to see her reflect?

Here’s a list I have made that Pihu can take as a reference point.

Amiability: An overdose of this can make you a compulsive social butterfly but in the right doses, it can help you get popular while making a bunch of genuine friends. This trait will also help her earn the goodwill of people around her- in school, college, around the neighbourhood, on foreign shores, wherever she may be.

Wanderlust: I have never really been a backpacker and taken off untrammeled to unknown destinations but even if she doesn’t have a thirst for adventure, I would at least like her to enjoy travelling, exploring places, learning about new cultures and more importantly, respecting people of different ethnicities and faith and nature in its myriad magical forms.

Reading: I give you my word for it that there’s no better gift you can give to your children than inculcating the joy of reading. Books can be true companions in many a moment of loneliness, melancholy and boredom. I remember passing many a vacation in my childhood based on this hobby and am never afraid about how to kill my free time thanks to books. And the learning and broadening of horizons besides developing a flair for language are just perks of the hobby.

Foodie: Food is the elixir of a life well-lived. It binds people to each other, it reflects passion and perfection for a dish well-made, it induces joy and imbues a sense of happiness for everyone relishing it. I want Pihu to be able to have equal excitement for the road-side pani puri as a zest for fine dining at a grand buffet. A foodie is always hungry for exploring the new, the undiscovered while enjoying basking in the glory of memories past. That home-made chocolate barfi, the first sizzler eaten on a family occasion, the aam papad smuggled in to the school dabba, a drop of cool nimbu paani on a hot summer holiday….I want her to savour all this and more. It can also perhaps inspire her to don the apron and whip up a delicacy herself someday! That happened to me so there’s proof.

Workaholic: Yeah, I know this sounds a bit weird but this is something that comes as a given. Although of course I enjoy putting my feet up, I want Pihu to understand the meaning of time spent in engaging in constructive and productive activities. A workaholic who is constantly hunting for his next chore will eventually end up achieving more than the average Harry. And I want Pihu to learn to work with a self-disciplined efficiency so she always has reasonable free time on her hands to unwind, breathe and just be. 

A love for the arts: I would of course also like her to develop a love for art, theatre and classical music so she can enjoy the finer points of life. Kids these days look lost on their own cultural roots and I want her to find her own through these pursuits.

Bandi ye Bindaas Hai: An Ode to the Bold & the Beautiful in Bollywood

Over the last couple of years, I have observed a rising tide that refuses to ebb. The trend if it is here to stay heralds the celebration of a new era of womanhood and its portrayal in Hindi cinema. Unlike the female leads in commercial cinema of the ‘90s who had a mandatory 5 songs, 5 scenes and 5 dialogues inclusive or exclusive of a rape scene, this new genre of films is upholding everything a female lead should actually stand for: independence, confidence, assertiveness, a taste for the unconventional and decision making without the presence of a hero to serenade/support her. And yet, she isn’t boring, dominating, bitchy or despicable. She is in fact turning the rules and scope of characterisation of a heroine in a typical Hindi film on its head and singing ‘Main Heroine Hoon’ in her own tune. Still wondering who or what I am talking about? A handful of post-millennium films may help you get the point better:

Tanu Weds Manu/Returns: It all started with what looked like a relatively low budget, small town film starring no big superstars but the occasionally seen Madhavan and Bhatt camp success story Kangana Ranaut who had established her acting credentials with Fashion, Life in a Metro and numerous Vishesh Film banner films with Emraan Hashmi like Gangster.  The film released in 2011, and marked what would become a rage in coming years- the demure, chaste and soft-spoken small town girl had suddenly gone bold, brash and boisterous. She had men eating out of her hands and could balance her numerous suitors on the tip of her finger. Men in this film were left with the job of wooing their way in to her heart while she was the one who took the ultimate decision of who her life partner should be. Come 2015, the cult film which had by now captured a fan following doubled the fun with two characters in the sequel and Kangana reprising her role of Tanu, who had now gone wilder and whackier. The film’s plot may have bordered on the absurd but it had a nation laughing at the sorry state of affairs families and more importantly the so-called heroes in the film were reduced to.

Queen : Straight after Tanu Weds Manu hit the hall of fame, Kangana bagged another role which would catapult her to the A-list category of stars in Bollywood and take her box office value in to the big ticket bracket. As Rani she manages to shine through her transition from a shy Delhi girl to a no-holds barred spurned bride who bears no regrets or ill-will towards her fiancée whatsoever. As someone who takes off for her own honeymoon solo, she finds an able companion in the svelte Lisa Haydon instead of a regular knight in shining armour.  This girl takes on the role of ‘Vijay’, incidentally the name of Rani’s fiancée who supposedly left her in the lurch after jilting Rani on her wedding day. The girls paint the town red, shake a leg and live it up in Paris- dissipating age old myths and melodrama  associated with single women left to deal with their traumatic past.

English Vinglish: Making an inroad in to this genre of cinema post 2000 was English Vinglish with Sridevi packing a crackling punch as a subjugated homemaker who comes into her own during her trip to the US. English as a language is used beautifully in the film to show her rediscovery as a person with her own identity and voice. It is a medium she uses to translate her desi avatar in to one that demands respect, love and equal space from her family members.

NH10: Not a female-oriented drama as much as it is an action thriller, this film stands out because of Anushka Sharma’s decision to produce and star in a film that makes all the right noises about a woman in an action-oriented role. It comes with a message without eulogising about nari shakti and instead, depicts the consequences of the exploitation of women in almost a matter-of-fact manner. My best moment in the film is the cold expression in Anushka’s eyes when she goes about claiming vengeance in the climax of the film. It’s not over-the-top and is executed in a slick and effortless fashion, no ‘Jai Mata Di’ moment here. It’s all conveyed through the culminating response of a woman reduced to little choice when it comes to seeking justice for the wrongs inflicted upon her.

Tamasha: The film may have starred Ranbir Kapoor but I see it more as a coming-of-age film for Deepika Padukone. She followed this up with Bajirao Mastani the same year which was again hailed as one of her best perfomances till date. The characters she played in both films may have spanned ages but essentially have a lot in common. As Tara in Tamasha or Mastani in Bajirao Mastani, Deepika has no qualms going up to the man she is in love with and professing her love to him, knowing well that he holds the right to reject her. She may be strong without losing that vulnerability every woman in love experiences. Both characters have a mind of their own, live life their way fully aware of the consequences of their acts and decisions, and are able to pull back or rise to challenges head on. So much in one film speaks eons of where female actors have reached today in terms of the length and depth of their roles.

Highway/Kapoor & Sons: Alia Bhatt, the youngest entrant in this list of bindaas bandis who with Highway and Kapoor & Sons lives up to the spirit of a young modern woman who is unafraid of the realities around her and yet is not going to drown herself in an emotional avalanche. Breaking stereotypes of how a good girl should behave like, she chooses to do what she likes, irrespective of how people judge her.

With more and more such heroines coming to the fore thanks to some original and fresh writing and direction, stereotypical stories can go for a toss and rightly so!

Telly UnderBelly: Kapil Sharma & His Superstar Formula to Survival

So Kapil Sharma is back with the highly unimaginatively named The Kapil Sharma Show- and for anyone who has been following the new edition of Comedy Nights with Kapil knows by now that it is anything but that. It simply seems like the only change in plot is the channel partner in question. The gimmicks are the same, the characters continue to sleepwalk through their roles, the dialogues are repetitive, the stars well…they seem to be the only ones not getting bored of their oh-so-frequent appearances on the show and look more like Kapil’s extended parivaar members these days. As for the lead star of the show, he seems to be hitting the hammer on a flattened piece of scrap that he refuses to let go off. Why should he, he still gets to take home a fat pay cheque. The less said the better of Sidhu paaji, the avuncular jolly good Godfather-like character of the show and its lucky mascot. He doesn’t add any value to the show, has a penchant for enjoying the dampest of jokes and loves putting every guest on the show on a pedestal.

Indian TV plots have a knack of milking every concept idea dry before they can it. So while you have a ready audience for substandard fare, who cares two hoots about creativity or originality? Now I have observed several stand-up comediennes take real effort and improvise to make every act on-trend, incisive, fresh and really funny. That’s exactly where the show fails us so here’s a quick look at what the makers of the show need to drop/get rid of if they need to sustain the format for long:

1) Kapil’s constant derision of his wife. It’s boring, insulting and I’m not even going to get in to how sexist most of his jokes can be.

2) The Lecherous Daadi needs to lay off. She is cute, can yap nineteen to the dozen and loves high strung drama. But is it really funny when she latches herself on to every embarrassed star on the show to indulge in some kinky shenanigans??

3)  Sunil Grover is a versatile actor no doubt and I would probably burn my fingers if I say anything against him but give him some new direction instead of indulging in the same staid ‘flirty meets fanatic’ act everytime, along the same lines of Daadi. And even the otherwise talented Kiku Sharda who follows suit.

4) Can we have a show where the stars invited do more than just gloat about how good Kapil and his show is? Will this PR-driven exercise of mutual promotion ever end? And if you must have stars on the show tied in with their film promos, because that is the only time they seem to be available can we at least have them do and speak new things?

5)  Last but not the least, can we have an audience that is not so gawky-eyed and foolish in front of the camera? I know this is no We The People but the dumbing down of entertainment in the name of comedy starts with an unintelligent audience asking cringe-worthy questions like, “Kya aap mere se shaadi karoge?” to realizing the dream of dancing the most ridiculous dance of their lives with their favourite stars.

The likes of comedy artists who enjoy the kind of adulation that a Kapil Sharma does have to realise that making people laugh is a serious job at the end of the day. It’s good to be light-hearted but not light-headed when it comes to churning out regular episodes of engaging and rib-tickling comedy for the masses. Everyone loves a star but even an SRK has to find ways to reinvent himself with Fan every time he serves up duds like Happy New Year and Dilwale and the very same people who enjoy Kick applaud Salman when he plays less macho in a film like Bajrangi Bhaijaan. The undoing of talent may reap profits in the name of a brand that is driven further through audience-generated hype but the very same audience can pan a Gutthi when she gets on a show of her own. So makers of such shows will be well-advised to reinvent before they repent!

Big Ticket to Hollywood

Remember that song from Jhoom Barabar Jhoom? It depicted a ruffian-like Abhishek Bachchan trying very hard to talk the sophisticated Lara Dutta in to giving him his ‘Ticket to Hollywood.’ Well, Bachchan Jr. may still be waiting for his chance but many others including his iconic dad and global diva wife have already been there, done that. No matter how big these stars may be here in Bollywood, they definitely weren’t the first to start the trend. If one is to be kind and rewind back to the past, actors like Victor Banerjee were already making it big with directors like James Ivory way back in 1978. In fact, a little nugget for those of you who swear by Hollywood and feel pride at its Indian connection- this Calcutta-born actor even won the BAFTA for his role as Dr. Aziz Ahmed in David Lean’s film A Passage to India in 1986. Not only this, he went on to star in Roman Polanksi’s Bitter Moon in 1992.

Soonafter, the likes of Kabir Bedi and Gulshan Grover made their way to LA and bagged noticeable roles. People may remember Bedi star in a James Bond film Octopussy, while Grover’s claim to fame remain films like 'The Second Jungle Book', 'Prisoners Of The Sun', 'Cape Karma', 'Nephilim', 'Honour Killing', We're No Monks", Italian movie 'Les Mysteres de Sadjurah', 'Blind Ambition', 'Sweet Amerika' 'I Am Kalam' and 'My Bollywood Bride'. Even our own Om Puri aka Mogambo khush hua when he was applauded on essaying the demonic character of Mola Ram in the adventure series Indian Jones and The Temple of Doom made famous by Harrison Ford.

It’s not just the badass boys of Bollywood that have made a mark overseas. Largely known as arthouse veterans Naseeruddin Shah seen in The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen and Om Puri in films like City of Joy, My Son The Fanatic, East is East, Wolf, Ghost and the Darkness and Charlie Wilson’s War have been making a memorable impact with their powerful roles. Anupam Kher has been taking his cut of the pie with films like Bend it Like Beckham and Silver Linings Playbook under his belt.  Taking the legacy forward have been talented and nuanced actors like Tabu and Irrfan Khan in films like The Namesake and Life of Pi. Irrfan in fact has become the new poster boy for significant roles in Hollywood in film after film like Jurassic World, Slumdog Millionaire, A Mighty Heart and has recently created a furore by turning down a Steven Spielberg film. 

The surprise package has been Anil Kapoor who shot his way to the Oscars with his very first American film Slumdog Millionaire which has paved his way to an alternate career.  So far so good. But like any trend that catches on like wild fire, there is a point when in the bid to not be left behind, every second eager beaver joins the race to international fame, often resulting in falling flat on his/her face and causing sizeable embarrassment on his/her videshi histrionics back home. So while Bollywood’s newest imports and pretty ladies Priyanka Chopra and Deepike Padukone go neck to neck in proving their talent on international shores with the movie version of Baywatch and The Return of Xander Cage respectively, I would like to make you wary of celebrating their victory before actually watching their films and judging their worth in these films for yourself. You can charge me for being a cynic but these few wonderful examples will tell you why I am not blowing the trumpet yet!

Amitabh Bachchan: Yes yes, he got to rub shoulders with Leonardo Dicaprio and Toby Maguire in a Baz Luhrmann film that is a classic adaptation of F Scott Fitzgerald’s edgy take on the supposedly ebullient lives of the rich and the famous. But what was this legendary star doing in this film that could not have been done by any other lesser known actor?

Aishwarya Rai Bachchan: And how can beautiful bahu be left behind when it comes to taking the bait when Hollywood beckons? So our mersmerising diva has not only been the face behind international brands like Loreal and taken a coveted seat among the jury at Cannes Film Festival but also sought to prove she is not just a dolled up beauty queen with a spate of films like The Pink Panther 2', 'Bride and Prejudice’, ‘Mistress of Spices’ and ‘Provoked'. However, she earned more brickbats than credit for her flat performances in most of them, questioning the whole idea of Indian actors earning roles through merit or pure good luck/PR.

Mallika Sherawat: She played Samantha err…an Indian peasant girl in The Myth starring Jackie Chan and more than the role, it was the slit in her gown and the bosom-popping gowns she strutted in at Cannes that got talked about. Of course, this whippersnapper of a star has even gone on to meet US President Barrack Obama on the back of her film Politics of Love.  She claims to be the first Bollywood actor to have ever met the US President. Don’t blame the President if he has banned watching Hindi films in the White House.

Frieda Pinto: She may have starred in many a film post her Oscar tryst with Slumdog Millionaire but what I fail to still understand is what has given her that privilege? Give me a Frieda and I will give you 10 more talented actors who could fit the bill. And mind you I have nothing against her but am still waiting to see a film of worth that makes me say, now that’s an award-winning performance right there!

Let me know if I have missed out on any name. It would be nice if Indian actors don’t just bite the big apple and instead choose to look beyond stereo-typical blink and you miss roles as well. Speaking of which, what exactly was Sonam Kapoor thinking when she decided to wear those horribly mismatched clothes and appear for a second in the Coldplay video ‘Hymn for the Weekend’? I guess that’s a topic that reels in a whole new debate so I will hold my peace for now. 

The Pihu Diary: Pitter Patter…and we all fall down!

Pihu is up and running about these days. She realises that this is the time of her life when she has to make up for all that time that she was subjected to lying on a bed for over 15 hours a day sleeping away to glory. So she is in a desperate hurry to discover all the things she was kept away from. No no, she isn’t exactly raiding my wardrobe yet to wear my clothes but more for throwing the contents of it around. Prohibited items and particularly soiled ones ignite newfound curiosity so that her dad’s shoes and the diaper bin are special items of discovery that pique her interest.

She has also developed  a sense of assertiveness and diligence which would be nice at the work place one day, but not when that is employed towards sitting down on a cold marble floor and pulling off her socks and shoes to run amok on naked feet.

There was a time when Pihu used to sleep through half a movie in a theatre and munch popcorn through the other half. Now she bawls the moment the lights are out and the Dolby stereo booms on her eardrums. Lesson learnt: No movies for her before she turns errr…3 may be?!

She has a sharp sense of like and dislike. So what she likes go in her toy box. What she doesn’t or has no more need for goes in to the waste paper bin. So much for being organised.

She also happens to have taken PM Modi’s Swacch Bharat Andolan very seriously. Charity after all begins at home, and the moment she can get her hands on a napkin or piece of rag, she starts dusting almost everything near at hand. From floors, walls, furniture, kitchen racks, refrigerator, closets…(you get the drift), no speck of dust escapes her eye so that by the end of it, there’s nothing left to wipe except her mouth which she does generously with the same cloth…if left unhindered.

She insists on helping us dress by instructing us on what to wear when from a pile of clothes. Another favourite chore is picking out clothes from the washing basket, selecting one to wear around her neck or pull over the head and walk with a stately gait.

Sitting under my work desk and grabbing my leg to count my toes is another of her pastimes. Hence to say Pihu keeps me on my toes these days would be no exaggeration.

Recently, she even locked me in the bathroom. It freaked me out because there was no one at home and all she could do was cry out from the outside as she couldn’t figure out how to unlatch it. It took some timely yelling for help through my bathroom window and a neighbour breaking in to my house through the back door that saved the day for us. Needless to say, Pihu is providing a lot of drama in my life.

Becoming a parent increasingly makes you vulnerable to the point that you don’t know how to protect your kid from every kind of danger. No matter how careful you are, there will always be that miniscule chance of a slip-up which is sure unnerving. It makes you feel really vulnerable to circumstances given the immense responsibility you bear for a tiny soul.

Pihu’s sheer brightness and that winning smile however reassures me that it is all worth it.