WARNING: AGE DEFYING STUNTS AHEAD!

At a time when looking younger has become so important, and where dropping ten years from your face is just a botox shot away, it seems needless and even silly to try and look and act one’s age. So if you happen to be on the wrong side of 30, you better have accomplished at least one of these- a great bank balance, a wonderful life partner and a house over your head.  Add a great sense of style, a figure to match and possessing the secret to looking younger as you grow older and you are SET for life... think about it- aren’t at least one of these goals getting those worry lines on your head and keeping you awake at nights? Most of us in our late 20s and early 30s then, have sadly entered the mid life crisis our parents warned us about. Don’t say you didn’t see that coming. When 12 year olds can talk about their crushes and 22 year olds want to climb the career ladder twice the speed of light, it’s hardly surprising that most of us in our 30s are already contemplating early retirement within the next decade. What exactly is supposed to keep us busy the rest of our time if not the business of staying young and the pursuit of denying the truth that is our age?

Even though more women seem to be afflicted by the ‘got to get younger’ dilemma, the men aren’t very far from it.  After all, George Clooney and Richard Gere aren’t getting less dishy even as the grey in their hair demystifies their real age. So why should the men lag behind in trying to look dapper and pulling up their pants in the fight against their birth date? My dear Adam or Eve, I personally request you to quit embarrassing yourself and take a look at oft-committed mistakes we hardly notice as we grow older and seriously, spare yourself the torture:

·         I am no fashion guru but some sartorial tips may help you avoid getting laughed at behind your back. I can’t even begun to tell you how pathetic it feels when anybody tries to dress to look half their age.  Dumping that college wardrobe might be a good idea esp. when you seem to have crossed 30+. Na, the tummy crunches aren’t working and the only curves that your tight tee is showing off are your love handles. And the skinny jeans, as the name might suggest were meant to fit when you were exactly that- skinny!

·         Using slang like ‘wassup dude’ and misspelt words like ‘kewl’ can definitely make you sound younger -in the immature sense. Like you really decided to lash your angst against your English teacher and murder the language because she didn’t give you an A on your grammar test back in school. Get a life, speak the language properly if you ever learnt it the right way.

·         Drinking while trying to compete with younger colleagues just to show you can hold it better? This is as pathetic as it gets because your glass count is going to show either in the number of times you dash off to ‘take a leak’ (in the case of men) or ‘powder your nose’ (in the case of women). And if lying in your own puke is not your idea of a happy ending to your night out, you want to go easy on that heady vodka shot, right?

·         Please don’t try to pass of the ‘robot’ or the ‘head banging’ as dance. It ONLY looks cute on kids and you are old enough to have your own at your age in stead of pretending to be one yourself. 

           Hanging out with colleagues much younger to you does not make you one of them. Unless they ask you to come along with them for ‘time out’ and seem as natural as they do in office when outside with you, don’t try and push yourself on to them everytime they go ‘painting the town red’.

·         Being addressed as a maasi, mama, chacha or bhabhi is not such a bad thing. It gives your relationship with the concerned kin the identity and respect it deserves. Frankly I prefer it to being called Aunt or Uncle and definitely would not appreciate having a teenager niece or nephew calling me Kavita. And if you like being ‘buddies’ with them, well, I have always considered my Mom my bosom friend, didn’t necessitate me calling her by her first name.

·         Stop discussing your diet issues, hormonal imbalances and excessive weight gain as part of everyday conversation. Nothing can sound more stilted, day in and day out.

·         If you are married by now, be happy for yourself but don’t try to make those who aren’t look like losers. If you aren’t, don’t try to make those who are, look like they lost out on being single. Ever struck you that they might not WANT to be you.

Apart from following these tips, next time someone refers to your age, don’t cringe. They may be complimenting you on the grey in your head- but of course the cells, not the hair silly! And if not, smile and take it on your chin. After all, that’s the thing about age, isn’t it? Sooner or later it’s going to catch up with everyone.